where it all started (My Salvation Story - Part 1)

My salvation story isn't a jaw-dropping amazing story like most of the sharers I seem to hear in Sunday Services. I don't have abusive parents, I don't have drug-addicted brothers, no life-threatening diseases and I don't even smoke.

I've led a pretty much boring life. I've been a goody-two-shoes student, an always-present-in-Catholic-Sunday-Masses person and have never intentionally hurt anyone. I took my schooling in a private catholic school for girls. We have Friday masses. I was sometimes tasked to do the bible readings during mass. We hold a bible study every month during my junior and senior year in high school. I joined the animators club who confidently stand in front of the entire student body and do the action to certain Christian songs such as "Shine Jesus Shine”. I was an active member of our organization called "Children of Mary." I dutifully wear the medallion to school every day. I pray before I go to sleep and if I remember it, I say my grace before I eat.

So all along I thought I was okay.

Then I entered my junior year in College and met the person who would save and hurt me. My now ex-boyfriend saved me when he shared the gospel to me. First he invited me to attend the Sunday Service at GCM. Then followed a series of talks about our religion, including a lengthy phone conversation that lasted until the wee hours of the morning where I was indignantly defending my faith and the need to worship Mother Mary. To make the long story short, I was eventually convicted and through what became a regular Sunday service date with the Lord, I accepted him, the true Him, as my personal Lord and savior and I began to believe that He is the only way to heaven because He died for my sins and rose again. What a great news!

That should have been the end to my salvation story. But no, God was working amazingly in my life. For six and a half years of being together with my ex-boyfriend, combined with regular Sunday services, one retreat, a water baptism, a regular cell group meeting and six sessions of nurture class studying the biblical foundation of our Faith... I thought I am perfectly well in my Christian walk.

But I chose to be blinded by the sin that started to creep in slowly in our relationship. We were always making compromises and on his part, he started to disobey his parents.

By the way, my ex was a Filipino-Chinese and though his immediate family has been a Christian for a long time already, they didn't like me for my ex. For six years, we've battled and fought for our relationship. Though his family has never really mistreated me vis-a-vis, I've heard of their degrading comments such as calling me a "wanapo." In a Chinese household, that refers to the helper. In a Filipino household, a mere "katulong."

In January of 2007, I started to see changes in my ex. He started to look for things that I lack and things that I will never have. For six years he didn't mind our social gap. Him, belonging to the upper class society and me stuck in my average-income-generating household. And not only that, for some reason, he didn't mind my big eyes, morena complexion and chubby built during our six years in a relationship. But all of a sudden, he started coaxing me to go on a diet, take whitening pills and study mandarin.

He is "requesting" that I change. For his mom.

To say that I was insulted is an understatement. But because of my love for him, I did what he told me to do. I started taking whitening pills, we enrolled in a basic mandarin class and I started lessening my food in take.

But in February of 2007, a few days before I celebrated my birthday, he said he can't take the pressure from home anymore and so he hurt me big time when he broke up with me.

I fought and insisted we can work it out. I swore I'll be slim and will be fluent in mandarin. I promised to do whatever it takes as long as he does not leave me. In a last desperate attempt, I went with his family on a trip to Malaysia in March.

We've actually have that trip scheduled way back in November of 2006. But when he first broke up with me in February 2007, I initially said I will not join that trip anymore, obviously! But he was still a little confused at the time and begged me to come to Malaysia anyway as a last attempt to get to know his mom.

So I did.

I spent seven days with him, his mom, his brother and his two aunties. They were courteous enough and I'd say we even enjoyed touring the city. Me and my ex would still walk hand in hand and take pictures together. I thought it was going well. But on our fifth night, two nights before we go back to manila, I had the hardest conversation in my entire life.

I was seated in the dining table across my ex's mom. My ex and his brother were seated in the living area, just a few steps away from the dining table, watching a local Malaysian channel. Suddenly his mom started the conversation... "Alam mo, Jeliene, nahihirapan ako sayo..." From those words sprang all the things that a girlfriend wouldn't wish to hear from her boyfriend's mom. I vaguely remember it now but I do remember it was then that his mom explained to me that she doesn't think I am good enough for his son. She pointed out all my faults. My family background, my separated parents, the money I earn at work, my inability to speak Chinese... she even went as far as pointing out that I have a hideously looking chubby legs and big butt and big eyes and that my skin isn't as fair as hers. Yes, I was crying in front of her. I mean, who wouldn't? My heart couldn't take all that in so I resolved to crying. Oh yes, my ex and his brother were still watching the TV set all this while. But I'd say they were probably more interested in the conversation going on in the dining area.

Of course, I fought feebly. I muttered a few defenses that I hardly recall now. I insisted I have a Chinese surname and that should count for something. I said I can learn to speak Mandarin.. In fairness to his mom, she wasn't shouting at me then. She was so composed, as if talking to a mere child. And towards the end, she said I may still be "okay" for his son, if only I enroll in John Robert Powers finishing school, I continue studying mandarin, I go on a diet and take more whitening pills. In short, she wants a magic to work and change me completely.

Looking back, I can only thank God for keeping me sane and for keeping me composed. I did not lash out to her and we were able to remain civil for one more day and one more night in Malaysia until the travel back to Manila.

Of course, what happened next is that my ex has officially left me. My entire six years and seven months of building my life around him has just suddenly disappeared. The dreams I was nursing in my head all vanished. The time I spent in that relationship has now gone to waste.

I succumbed to a depression and hatred has seeped in my heart. I started to curse all the fair-skinned and chinky eyed individuals I see. (Yes, I am referring to Chinese people) Can you blame me? I felt as if I just experienced first hand what San Chai did in my favorite Taiwanese drama, Meteor Garden.

I stopped going to church. I stopped reading the bible. I even stopped praying.

But God has other plans for me. He used my friend, to remind me that He exists and that He is Faithful and that He loves me. My friend invited me to attend a Sunday Service in CCF in April. Of course, I felt the Lord when I attended the Sunday service with her but the first turning point in my life was when I attended the service all by myself the following Sunday. I remember seating at the back and dutifully I stood during praise and worship. I remember it was Chuck and Coco leading the Praise & Worship then and they sang my now salvation song "All for Love." It was then that I really opened my heart to God and surrendered all my cares on Him. I was unmindful of the people around me. I was crying and talking to God, asking Him why He allowed all that to happen...

After that particular Sunday service, I felt the thirst to get to know the Lord more. When I stepped out of the auditorium, I saw the booth for the Encounter 1 - One Way Singles Retreat. On an impulse, I signed up and my life was never the same again.

** Thanks to our FMM assignment, I finally had a chance to put my salvation story in black and white. This is rather long so I'm cutting it here. Will continue the second part tomorrow **