I just finished reading the book “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris. It’s actually my second time to read it. The first time I finished it was about three or four years ago. I was still in a relationship at the time. Sadly, I don’t think I actually remembered anything from the book the first time I read it. Reading it for the second time was like reading it for the first time. I hardly recognized the words… I guess at the time my eyes were somewhat blinded and my heart was resistant to the wisdom that is the entirety of this book.
However, now that I went through each page again… this time with an open and broken heart and with eyes wide open, every word makes sense. Every testimony in each page spoke to me so vividly. Every lesson shown is like a hammer being pounded in my head. I’ve never been so guilt-stricken from anything until now. With this book, I realized that somehow I had a wrong approach to the boy-girl relationship. Looks like my ideals weren’t aligned with God’s plans. I used to think and even enjoyed my previous relationship because of the pleasure it gave me.
Who wouldn’t agree on the fact that it is such a thrilling and wonderful feeling to have that special someone beside you? To wake up each morning, remembering how you fell asleep praying about that person… and reaching for your phone to send a good morning message only to see that he beat you to it… How about spending those weekends with that person, driving around the city, looking for a place to eat, deciding what movie to watch while singing off-key to the song playing in the radio inside the car… Or what about those birthdays wherein you’ll be all dressed up waiting for that someone to show up and being whisked some place you don’t know yet and anticipating a grand surprise to make your day special… Or just the simple fact that you can look into someone’s eyes and just stare forever, seeing yourself with him into the future… All those romantic notions are a sure thing to make every girl like myself feel like she’s the most precious being on earth – all because of that special someone.
Now that I look at it, most of it all was rooted in my own pleasure, the way it made me feel, how happy I was to willingly serve someone. It was never an inconvenience for me to take that extra step. As long as that someone was happy too. Even if we shared the same Faith and worship God together on Sundays, I now just realized it wasn’t enough, that I rather had a very selfish approach to my views on a “relationship.”
The feeling of completeness of being with another person looks shallow to me now. I learned that being with someone shouldn’t complete you. But rather, you have a someone to complement the already complete you.
God made each of us individually, separately and uniquely as you can imagine. We as individuals, as single person should be complete regardless if we have someone else to share our lives with.
Looking back, I guess I can say I was guilty of depending too much of my own happiness with another person. My own world has been immersed deeply with someone else that I couldn’t recognize anymore where did my world end and his began. That was why when it all ended; I had the hardest time recognizing my own world. I somehow lost a big part of my identity and thus, I had to start from ground zero.
With God’s grace and mercy, I was able to slowly pick up my own pace and rebuild my own world; A world that was Christ-centered and ministry-driven. I began to see God in his magnificence and so I lost the longing to be with another human being to complete me because I realized that I was complete just as I was – single, but complete.
However, with the recent events in my life those things I learned faded into just a mere lesson filed away at the back of my mind. With new things coming my way, I failed to remember the hard earned lessons I got from my previous experience. Without immediately realizing it, I was once again beginning to lean towards that horrible thought – that I need someone to complete me.
I didn’t see it coming; or rather I chose not to see it while it was heading my way. By the time I recognized it, it was already too late. I’ve fallen too deep and now I’m back to picking myself up.
Going back to my realizations from this book, I learned that yes, being in a relationship and having a special someone is a thrilling experience, simply a “happy” feeling. But we shouldn’t just pursue togetherness for the sake of wanting to attain that happy feeling. There is so much more to that. When two people decide to get to know each other and even spend life together… they should be two separate individuals with their own identity, with their own worlds agreeing to coexist and share a life together.
As Joshua Harris illustrates it, a love story of boy meeting a girl should really be as simple but as meaningful as:
“Two people learning to trust God.
Two winding paths that God made straight.
Two straight paths that He chose to cross at just the right time.”
Notice that in each thought and in each process, God is involved.
Another passage from the book says and it quotes another author (Mike Mason) from another book (The Mystery of Marriage):
“Real love is always fated. It has been arranged before time. It is the most meticulously prepared of coincidences. And fate, of course, is simply a secular term for the will of God, and coincidence for his grace.”
Knowing all these now while in the middle of picking myself up from a recent heart break, I struggle to believe that God has the same grand plan for me and my GB. Forgive me Lord for the shadow of doubt in my mind… Forgive me for questioning you now… Why would you send someone to my life if you’ll only take them away? I admit it is hard to trust and obey. It is hard to be patient. It is hard to wake up each morning knowing you’re in for another heart-stabbing experience… it is so hard to just let go and surrender.
Honestly I have to remind myself a number of times each day that God is with me and I shouldn’t want. How shameful to admit that I had to make an effort to remember Him in all these. I had to initiate a conversation with my Christian friends each day so I’ll be reminded of God’s love for me, to know that I have all these sisters in Christ to bother everyday with my grievances. At times when I falter, I succumb into darkness and self-pity and without warning tears will start to fall.
But with this book, I am somewhat assured that God is indeed behind it all. My thoughts and views and experiences with relationships are all part of His grand plan to hone me, to prepare me and to build me to be the perfect mate to that someone. I just wish that the longing in my heart for this to happen now will just fade a way for now; until such time that I am indeed ready…
But if you want me to carry it for now, I pray for your guiding light, your strength to help me carry this and just continuously learn from it. I want to be complete again in you alone.
Help me go back to my ministry, to my first love of serving you, of using my time for you, of using the gifts you gave me for your glory.
Just be with me in all these, Lord. Amen.
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