on suffering... #2

Waiting is painful.
Forgetting is painful.
But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.

Did you know that...

... it pains me to look at you and not be able to touch you
... it kills me when i hear you singing love songs, knowing you probably mean it for someone else
... it hurts to smile at you knowing you're probably thinking of someone else
... it burns me to hear you laughing when I'm stuck in my suffering
... it tortures me to pretend that there's nothing wrong in front of the world when there is and even you can't understand it
... it cripples me to talk to you and not be able to tell how I feel
... it grieves me that I can't take care of you the way I would want to
... it weakens me to stand beside you and not be able to hug you
... it wounds me to decide whether I should wait or let go and move on
... it just breaks me thinking about you.

Father God, I know you have majestic plans in all these.
Please show me how I should handle it.
I don't know anymore what actions to take.
I didn't realize that I've fallen too deep.
I almost don't feel like I can get out of this pit.
But I know I can, with your grace. I beg you to please end this soon.
Or just equip me with a strong heart to take on all the challenges that I will face.
I know Lord you are teaching me something from all this.
Please open my eyes that I may see what I need to learn.
Amen.

The sufferings we have now are nothing compared
to the great glory that will be shown to us.
- Romans 8:18