of hot, tall, cold, venti, frappe memories...

I'm not a coffee drinker.

I tried the famous mocha frappe... it was good for a while but did not really love it. And once I bought the venti size and when I finished it, my heart was just beating crazily. Too much caffeine for my not-so-used-to-caffeine body.

I so HATED that Banana something frappe they had one summer. It tasted like a pure banana syrup!

I liked the praline mocha... but only on the first few sips... After sip # 10, it'll be too sweet for me. Same goes with the toffee nut. Once Barry bought me a tall praline mocha... I ended up giving it to Flow after the first few sips.

I loved the hot white chocolate mocha... but I used to drink that with someone who's no longer with me so I don't drink it anymore :p

I think I'm loving the cranberry juice... ahahah... kasi like sya nung someone I just adore right now (ahaha.. loser!)

But I'm just loving starbucks right now.

Not for the drinks they sell, nor for the yummy chicken pandesal... not even for the chicken honey mustard salad that mimi and I crave so much.

It's just because I'm loving the people I eat with, drink with at Starbucks. And some of my treasured memories happened at a nearby Starbucks branch...

   Starbucks Rockwell - where we surprised John for his birthday, where Faye, Eloisa and I had to ask a lighter from construction guys to light the candle for John's cake...
   Starbucks Valero - where I had the scariest one hour, hoping and praying that Tantan will be successful in unlocking and opening my iPhone... and he was.
   Starbucks Podium - where my best highschool friends and I meet up after my Saturday night practices from CCF
   Starbucks Megamall - where I recently had pure girl talk with Jheny and Awit
   Starbcuks Insular Life - where mimi and I just sometimes eat, drink and update each other on latest JPMC chasemis :p
   Starbucks Metrowalk - where Jheny and I first spent the time with James, Adrin and Jhun after the first Cantata presentation... and we ended up friends since then...
   Starbucks Tagaytay - where I poured out my heart to mimi, becha and tantan... and we stayed there from 6am until 10am, waiting for Leslie's to open so we could eat Bulalo... only to find out that Leslie's is actually open as early as 7am!

   *sigh*

Oh yes, I do have a favorite drink now... I'm satisfied with a tall hot mint tea... and maybe have it with an oatmeal cookie...
... then my "to-go" will be a happy heart, a smile plastered on my face, moments captured in my camera phone and yet another memory to go back to once in a while...

...like today.
   *another sigh*

lessons from hachiko... Reflection #7, 2008

Hachiko is an Akita dog, famous for his legendary loyalty to his master. If you happen to visit Tokyo, make sure to visit Shibuya Station and take a picture with the bronze dog statue (naks, the way I say it parang I've been there na.. ahaha!)

Story has it that Hachiko was very loyal to his master. Everyday for the life of his owner, he sees him off in the morning and waits for him at the nearby Shibuya Station every night. So Hachiko and his master always go home together every night from that station to his owner's house.

One night, Hachiko went to the station to eagerly wait for his master. But train after train, his master was nowhere to be found, not in one of the thousands of passengers. Little did Hachiko know that his master met his death and will never ride the train again and therefore, no longer meet him in the evenings.

But even after ten years after that day, Hachiko still goes to the station every night, as if still hoping that his master will step out of the doors of the train...

Hachiko became famous. His owner was a professor in the University of Tokyo and one night, after the professor's death, one of his students noticed that Hachiko still waits every night. So the student followed Hachiko and he found out that the dog still goes home to his master's house. The student published a story about Hachiko and in 1934, a bronze statue was erected at the Shibuya Station and it became a symbol of loyalty for the japanese. Hachiko died in 1935, just outside the station...

**Ptr Bong shared this story at the Tagalog service today at CCF.

Can you imagine the extent of the loyalty of that dog to its master? The way I see it, the dog has his mind and heart focused on pleasing his master alone. I am not expert on leaving conditions in Tokyo but I am certain there are surely days and nights of thundering rain and I can just imagine a dog running towards the station, unmindful of the rain, the cars passing by, the people around him... nothing mattered, just the thought of seeing his master again after hours of separation throughout the day.

Who would know what goes into a dog's mind? Maybe it was out of sheer duty that he chose to walk that same path every night. Or maybe even out of fear... Or simply just out of faithful obedience...

But when I heard that story... I thought, will I ever be that faithful towards my master, the lover of my soul? Will I gladly wake up every day and start my day walking with my master towards the station? Will I faithfully travel the same road every night, despite of whatever weather the night brings... Will I be waiting patiently, eagerly for my master when He finally arrives? And during those times that I can't seem to see my master, even if I dutifully walk every night... Will I still be the loyal dog, with blind faith, will I still continue that walk... Will I still do my duty as a dog even if I'm faced with years and years of absence from my master? Like hachiko, will I die "on duty"?

Too many times I've awoken and too many times I simply go to the day without even saying "Good Morning, Lord!" or "Thank you, Lord for another morning!"

Countless nights I just sleep without again reporting to my maker. Too many moments I have just forgotten spending time with my God. And in those times that I feel like He has abandoned me with the many problems I have, I have also abandoned Him. I have forgotten to be faithful and to just put my trust in Him.

Oh, how I envy Hachiko's devotion to his master.

When will we have that 100% faithfulness and devotion to our own master, I just wonder...

misleading perceptions... Reflection #6, 2008

First Impressions are not so true... That is a little cliche. But today, it is so real for me.

Every Thursday at 4pm, we have our Leadership Meeting, where managers and supervisors meet not to discuss performance, stats or other issues but merely to talk about leadership stuff. It's more of a sharing time. My new boss started this last month and we've been fed a lot on thoughts about leadership.

Last week, we started to invite resource speakers to impart more wisdom to the team. We had Barry then and of course he shared some classic thoughts on the subject. This week, we had Rafael, the new VP of Customer Care.

When he first arrived, oh my, the feedback I heard... I just couldn't stop thanking God that I chose the boss who works during the day :) Frankly, I almost did not want to talk to him. I was just intimidated with his strong personality and he's a little perky too.

But today. I heard him speak for the first time and I just have to tell you, first impressions are definitely not so true.

Every word that came out of his mouth is like one brick falling off the barrier of an image I have created of him in my mind. This man is clearly not the strict, haughty man that some of us thought of at first. He is just that - a man. Prone to failures, capable of joking and most of all, he has a heart and therefore can feel.

At the end of the one hour sharing I just really realized that the way you perceive a person is limited to what your mind wanted to think of him/her.

Today I learned the key to really knowing someone is to really get to know the person. Rafael and I did not have a one on one conversation. He gave a speech, I listened. He shared a personal story and I understood him. As simple as that.

I want to quote him. Here are my take-aways from his sharing:

"When you have a dream and you hold it in your heart, it's gonna happen."

"It's not how much you give, but it's how much you give from what you have... and how much you give part of yourself..."

"Be humble all the time, know where you come from."

In a nutshell, here's what I really learned... Perceptions are oftentimes misleading and are therefore a great hindrance to building a relationship.

So the next time you see that someone and somehow you just feel you can't get along with that person for whatever first impressions you've got, take a deep breath and tell yourself "Who am I to judge this person? Clearly, he/she is created by God and therefore worth the effort of knowing."

That goes two ways... The next time you see me or the first time you saw me... What did  you think? What will you think? I might be having a really bad time and therefore might have snapped at you or just completely ignored you but please don't stop there.

I am worth something. We all are.

 

The Ant and the Contact Lens... A true story

Here's another great e-mail... Thanks to Lorie :)

Brenda was almost halfway to the top of the tremendous granite cliff. She was standing on a ledge where she was taking a breather during this, her first rock climb. As she rested there, the safety rope snapped against her eye and knocked out her contact lens. "Great", she thought. "Here I am on a rock ledge, hundreds of feet from the bottom and hundreds of feet to the top of this cliff, and now my sight is blurry."

She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the ledge. But it just wasn't there.

She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She prayed for calm, and she prayed that she may find her contact lens.
 
When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible verse "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth."

She thought, "Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me."
    
Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the cliff they met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, "Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?"
 
Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying it!
The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption, "Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You."

I think it would do all of us some good to say, "God, I don't know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will."

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
 

lessons from a frailing lady... Reflection #5, 2008

On Wednedsay, I went to see my lola. She looked so frail lying on that hospital bed. Immediately I felt tears welling up in my eyes. For some reason, it just hit me that my lola has become really old and weak...

Then I sat on the chair beside her and held her thin hands. She was asleep when I got there and so she opened her eyes when I took her hands. While fighting back tears, I asked her how she is. With all the strength in her she tried to reassure me and immediately asked for her daughter, my mom... I can hardly understand her. She was having difficulty in speaking because of the stroke and so her words are almost inaudible. But somehow, it was just those first few words that I had a hard time understanding. After the initial shock, I understood her perfectly.


After a few minutes, my phone alerted me for a new message received. It was from my mom asking how is her mother. Incidentally, my mom couldn't visit her at the hospital because she too was suffering from a yet unknown malady that hindered her to move her body. I then told nanie (we call my lola that - "nanie") that I will call mama so she can talk to her. My tears fell then when nanie nodded yes but said she won't talk to my mom since she can't talk much. So I called mama and told her I'm in the hospital and while I'm filling her in on Nanie's status, my lola gestured at me that she now wanted to talk to my mom. And so I held the phone to her ear and I just closed my eyes because I can't stop the hot tears from falling anymore. I just can't bear the sight of my frailing lola, who's having a hard time talking, asking how's my mom and saying things like "mag-ingat ka, di bale ako na lang ang magkasakit, wag ka na..."

After they hung up, she rested and closed her eyes and I just sat there, looking at her.

Then like a flashback, I began to think of the foregone days when I was still a little girl and this same frailing lady who was still strong then would always come to our house to pick me up so I could spend the weekend at her house and I remember going home with a new toy. Always.  I remember being so excited I can't stand still whenever Saturday comes and it's time to again for that sleepover at her house...

Then I remembered that one afternoon in fourth grade. I was one of the participants in school for the United Nations Day. I was posing as Ms Ecuador and we had this presentation at the gym where I even had that short speech prepared and we were doing this song "Tomorrow"... And the gym was full of students watching and excited parents ready to take pictures of their kids... But both of my parents weren't there. Just my lola, very proud of her apo holding and parading that ecuador flag...

Finally I remembered moments from not too long ago. I was now all grown-up and it's been years since I last visited my lola's house. And I remembered all those times that in her aging body, she'd still find the strength to go to our house just so she can see us. And I remembered that I'm always on my way out whenever she'd visit and so I would just give her a quick kiss and rush out of the door to avoid chatting with her. I remember a few Saturday mornings when I would open my eyes and hear her voice, signalling that she's once again visiting, and then I remembered I would again close my eyes and pretend to be asleep so I can once again, avoid chatting with her because you know how grandmas are sometimes, they end up talking about the same stuff...

I was remembering those things while I was in that hospital holding her thin hand and I am just so ashamed of the woman I've become to this frailing lady.

I can't remember when was the last time I told her that I love her before that day.

When I was about to go, I just hugged her really tight. The tightest hug I've given her in so many years. And I told her I love her and that God will surely heal her, we'd just have to pray.

Seeing her just made me realize that time does fly pretty fast and when you are caught up in your own little world, you might end up like me. Forgetting important things like spending time with your lola and telling her how important she is. So I thank God for giving me this great opportunity to tell her that...

But I can't help but still think of all the wasted time that I could have really spent with her. Talk to her, hear her wisdom-filled experiences... Now that she'd had the stroke and can't really talk the way she used too, I wonder when will I hear her cheerful chatter again?

I am not proud of how I've been to her all these years. But lessons learned from a frailing lady...

* No matter how far you've gone in life, there is still that one important person in your life that you might have neglected. But when you suddenly remember them, they would just welcome you back and still look at you with loving eyes.

* It is never too late to tell someone that they matter, especially if that someone is family. They've been waiting to hear those words from you and I'm sure you'll end up saying those words sooner or later anyway.

So why don't you just say it now?

when you start to listen, He starts to speak...

After 7 days, 10 skippd meals, 168 hours logged off from the internet, 4 night watch and 1 dawn watch i attended...

I am officially breaking my fast... [over a bucket of Chef Tony's Original popcorn... Waaaahh... I wonder how bad my stomach will ache tomorrow?? (Good thing my boss offered that I take the day off... Ohhhh, thanks to US Holidays!!!)]

7 days of spending time with the Lover of My Soul is equal to 12 pages, back to back, of words, verses, reflections, application and prayers. That's a lot to compress in one blog entry. :) But I have a handful of one-liners collected in this period.

Here are my take aways:

1. God never meant for our duty to replace our devotions.

2. "My spiritual drought ended, but this taste for the majesty of God only made me thirst for more of Him." - John Piper

3. "Reveal those things that I do which doesn't give glory to you."

4. Fasting reveals the very thing that control our lives.

5. "Every prayerless day is a statement by a helpless individual, 'I do not need God today.'" - The Arena of prayer, Ben Jennings

6. Be Still and Still Believe

7. Instead of saying, "God, I have a big problem" say: "Problem, I have a BIG God!"

8. "The son had gone down, evening had arrived... I had forgotten God." - AJ Heschel, when he failed to pray for one day

9. Once you compromise, you are denying yourself of God's Best.

10. "Eighty-six years I have served Christ, and He never did me any wrong. How can I blaspheme my King who saved me?" - Polycarp, a bishop of Smyrna who died a martyr because he never compromised his beliefs

CCF prepared a 7 day journal to assist us in this prayer and fasting week. Each day is a study of the letters written to the seven churches in Revelations. The main points of the letters are to remain focused on God, keep the fire in our hearts burning for the Lord, repent, repent, repent and be faithful whatever the circumstance.

I just want to share that it was such an experience in seeking God. I have never felt more closer to Him than I do now because of this. I can never fully describe it. But now that this event has ended, I just pray (and please help me pray) that this fervor will not end. I just want to remain like this...

"Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you..."
-James 4:8a

I am signing off... for now :)

I have to be honest. I've come to love this multiply site! Man, I even downloaded the multiply toolbar! I've come to love all the people dropping by and letting me know how inspired they are with my blogs.

Yes, it's slowly seeping into my head.

Not good.

This January 14-20 CCF is embarking on its 1 week of prayer and fasting spiritual feasting. It'll be my first time to experience this and I'm quite excited to take part and see what God will reveal during this time.

One of the benefits of having Saturday evening practices at CCF is to catch some CCF Staff preparing the Chronicle and whatever handout will be given the following Sunday to church-goers. This particular evening, I noticed a three-page handout being prepared. My curiosity got the better of me so I politely asked them if I can have my early copy. Of course they gave me one.

Right now at the top of my lap is the CCF guideline to the prayer and fasting activity. It tells of why we have to fast, what to do in preparation to fasting and what do we do while we fast. Some of the things I read I just learned today.

I used to think that Fasting just requires that you skip your meals. Period. Just by that alone, it shows that you are sacrificing for God and that's enough. But there is so much more into it. And I quote from my handout:

"Fasting is part of the believer's life of faith in Christ. In a fast, the believer chooses,
for a set period of time, to do without something that is hard to do without."

My friends, it is more than skipping your meals.

Actually the Lord has started to speak to me since Friday. I've been thinking of the one week fasting and what I should do. I then realized that I had to really give up something that has become important to me.

So I asked myself, what on earth is that?

Here. the very thing I'm tapping my fingers on to. The very thing that I'm looking at. The reason why I've missed a lot of my quiet times.

Yes, the thing I've come to love lately is my laptop and the internet connection and this thing called multiply.

So I've decided I will not use the internet connection at home. Instead of spending time surfing the net, chatting with friends and posting what have you in this site... I will just devote my time in seeking the Lord, seeking His will...

As I've said, I've come to love all of you who are dropping by this site. Thank you so much for taking the time in reading, leaving a comment, sending PMs. The truth of the matter is, it is slowly seeping into my brain. I am entirely ashamed to admit this but I will let you in on a dark secret: While I appreciate all of you doing that, I realized that sometimes I am feeling proud of myself. But I shouldn't be. All the words I've entered into this site, all the letters I've punched into my keyboard are all from the Lover of My Soul. He is the one who should be honored and glorified. Not me. I'm a mere writer.

So with great fear of failing, I am signing off for an entire week.

Please pray for me! I can not do that alone. I guess I might have to literally pull the plug off the modem and keep it as far away from me as possible. Please say a prayer that I may use this time in just being with God, in prayer and meditation. If you want me to pray for you too, send me a text message and I'd be happy to... :)

One last thing, if you ever catch me logged on to ym or here, please reprimand me! I shouldn't be doing that for one whole week! Well, I really hope you don't have to. :)

If my people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray,
and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways,
then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
-2 Chronicles 7:14

what I almost missed today... Reflection #4, 2008

I almost didn't want to get up this morning. It was so cold in my room when I opened my eyes. No, we don't have aircon in the house, just the good old raindrops knocking on my windows making the room so cold.

I was supposed to attend the Leadership Summit at CCF. Should have gotten out of the bed at an earlier time but because of the chilly weather, I slept in and finally woke up at 10:30am. Ate Rona was already calling. But seems like my back was glued to the bed and I had such a hard time waking up.

The first thing I did when I opened my eyes? Rats... I opened my laptop! Grrrr... Did not even greet my Lord good morning first! Oh well, as I said, I am a work in progress :)

Anyway, I am so tamad today. I texted Ate Rona that I will catch up with them at CCF but I didn't move away from the laptop until past noon. There is no way I can go to the summit now since we have Choir meeting at 2:00pm.

2:00pm, huh? I got a text from Coney that she's already at the mini-theater by that time. Where was I? Still in my room! But by this time, I'm all set to leave the house. The truth is, I almost wanted to skip the entire day and just stay at my room. I almost missed the choir practice! But then I remembered that FMM (Filipino Music Ministry) have the practice for prompting at the Tagalog service tomorrow. There is just no way I'll pass on that. It's my only offering to God, my ministry.

So I went on my way and got into a jeep going to Guadalupe MRT and from there took the train all the way to Ortigas and walked that 7mins walk from the station to St. Francis.

It was 3:00pm when I entered the mini-theater. So they haven't started yet. Lucky me. Today's Choir meeting is actually dedicated to just thanksgiving to our Lord. We sang worship songs and listened to impromptu testimonies from our choir-mates on how the Lord has blessed them the past year. I really wanted to get up there and stand and let everyone know how God has saved me in 2007. But nervousness got into me. Sorry, Lord, wasn't able to honor and glorify you that afternoon.

That afternoon is just food for my soul. I can't believe I almost passed on that. And we have real food too! Yummy the sandwich! :)

After that, Jhen and I proceeded to the band room for our prompting practice. We started devotion at around 7pm and the actual singing practice commenced at 8pm. And guess what time we ended? It's past 11pm! We usually end at 10pm. But today was different. But you know what, nobody complained. Everyone was just singing for the Lord. It's one of the best practices ever. I'm singing melody all the way tomorrow so it should be a great worship for the Lord at the Tagalog service!

So now, as I sit and write this blog, I just realized what I almost missed today if I've given to the temptation of enjoying the rainy day cuddled up in my room...

A time of worship for the Lover of My Soul. A time of fellowship with everyone at the church. A time to remind myself the truth that all I am and all I have is God's. The only thing I can truly offer Him that will be coming from me is my time and availability. Whatever talent I have, He gave. Whatever anything I possess, doesn't belong to me. It's all from Him. Have you realized that? The only real offering you can give God is your availability.

Now that's a lot to miss in one day.

Of words, pictures, memories and a starbucks planner...

Did I ever tell you why I started to blog?

I love writing. I'm more of an e-mail person rather than the phone person. I used to be a writer/editor at our high school paper and I used to write poems too. And I can write pages and pages of letters too.

But for some reason, I stopped. It is funny but it's true. When I was in a relationship before, I lost that magic and passion in writing. So I guess that's why it came back, because I'm not in a relationship anymore.

When I was in my darkest hours, writing letters to my friends became one of my refuge. And more often than not, they'd tell me that I made them cry but it's a good one because they said they had a few take aways.

I remember Macky telling me to start my own blog so she'd be able to read something. And so I did.

At first, I was a little embarrassed when I would see that someone viewed my entry here at multiply. I mean, what do they care on my thoughts? But as some of you started to comment on my entries, I was just overwhelmed. It's like putting some more logs into the fire.

Now, instead of that funny feeling, I just feel happy that someone reads them and are inspired by them.

Anyway, (Anne, got it from you, a lengthy introduction!) just today, just a few minutes ago... Anne sent me message via ym that she's making her starbucks planner into a good use. It is such a pretty planner anyway!

She said she'll use it to keep moments, to make memories. I loved her idea on putting one-liners on what she learned that day... thoughts and reflections... moments with God, hopefully, on how she's getting close to Him by day... printing small pics taken from her phone and pasting them on the pages... maybe a pic of friends she hasn't seen for a long time and happen to bump into them one afternoon... or perhaps a pic of a place she hasn't gone to before... or why not a pic of a very sumptuous meal she's sharing with her beau... awwww.. really love that idea.

Just imagine, at the end of the year, it'll be bulky because of the many small pics pasted and some pages might be loosely hanging here or there and there might even be a few marks of coffee stains... wow. You'll just be holding a full year worth of good (and bad) memories.

Trust me, when you look back and glance at some of the pages, or go back to the entry on that particular perfect day...

There's just nothing left to say but

"Thank you God for blessing me this much!"

Footprints in the Sand... A New Version

** Posting another great e-mail. Thanks to Lorie! :)

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road  together.  For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace.

But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns.
For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling, His consistently.

You and Jesus are walking as true friends!

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps.

Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.

This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change.  The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger.

Eventually they disappear altogether. There is  only one set of footprints. They have become one.

This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place.   Stops.  Starts. Gashes in the sand.   A variable mess of prints.

You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.  Now you pray:
"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits.  I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."

"That is correct."
"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."

"Very good. You have understood everything so far."
When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."

"Precisely."
"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."

There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice.
"You didn't know?  It was then that we danced!"

I think I'm okay now... seriously... Reflection #3, 2008

Isn't it cliche when you hear the words good things come when you least expect it?

It was 7:45pm. I was wrapping up with my work for the day. Almost done. Just one module to go with my online training and I'm free to go. I can almost smell the weekend.

When suddenly, a sametime window pops up with a message from Barry:
"jeliene, we have extra tickets to National Treasure. Would you like to come and join us? I am making Charly go too."

Woah! A movie invitation from my most favorite boss ever?

I told Barry I will go since Charly is coming. I even joked and said if Charly's not coming, it'll be nosebleed for me. (Just imagine watching a movie with a family of five americans, come on!) Charly almost didn't want to go but I eventually convinced her. It's not everyday that a VP will just sametime you and ask you to join a free movie!

And so anyway we did watch the movie. Period.

Not!

The thing is... This is the first time that I will enter the cinemas of Greenbelt 3 again after the love of my life left me back in March (woah, it's almost a year!!!)

No, it's not the first time I watched a movie at all since I did watch two other movies after we broke up. And the first one, to be honest, I already forgot the title because I wasn't really watching then. I remember it was a comedy but I was crying. (Freak!) But I had the license to cry at the time, it was the first time in six years that I watched a movie with somebody else. (Yes, the entire time I was with my ex, I did not watch a movie with anybody else.)

The second time I watched a movie, it was the Pirates of the Caribbean. I was with my office mates and though it wasn't the best time of my life, at least I was no longer crying. But I remember feeling still a bit sad.

In those two instances, I was in Glorietta cinema.

Today, it was in Greenbelt 3. (And my ex and I used to watch in Greenbelt 3)

So at 8:30pm, Charly and I were ascending the escalators to the cinemas and I was a mixture of excitement and anticipation. We immediately spotted Barry and his family, with some other friends.  So while waiting for two more friends, we were just talking and I mentioned to Barry that it'll be the first time that I'm watching a movie there again after a long time.

And Barry was like, "Really? Well, welcome back! Just think about it, once you enter you'll realize you can come back there again."

I wasn't actually dreading entering the cinema. But I was watching out for my feelings. Really. I was like thinking "I wonder how will I feel when I see the seats, and the spot where we usually sits..."

But you know what? It wasn't like that at all. When we finally entered the cinema and while looking for our assigned seats, those thoughts vanished from my mind and I was just looking forward to the experience of watching again.

Suddenly, I realized, I'm okay with this. Time does heals wounds. And indeed, smile is sweeter after a good cry. Sun is brighter after a rain.

Thank God for using Barry and Charly to remind me that.

And yes, I thoroughly enjoyed watching the National Treasure 2.

looking for your GBs?

I'm posting another e-mail. This one I received from my discipler, Ate Rona :)

On His Plan For Your Mate

Author Unknown

 

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone - to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to the Christian, says, "No, not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone. I love you, my child and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me - exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires and longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing - one that you can't imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you - just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things - keep experiencing the satisfaction knowing that I am. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you ... you must wait.

Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things others have gotten or that I've given them. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you.

And, then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any would ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working even this very minute to have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me...and this is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know I love you utterly. I am God Almighty. Believe and be satisfied.

words that warm my heart... a reverie

I'm a little emotional today (woohooo, i wonder when i'm not?!)

Don't you just love how amazing words can be if put together and uttered at the right time? I sooo treasure memories (isn't it evident with the number of pictures I've already posted here??)

Apart from pictures, I cherish words I hear. And today, for some reason, like a flashback, I remembered the following lines I heard, I read, I was told... Awwww... some are bittersweet and made me cry.. Some just made me smile.. The bottom line, these words made my day during those times :)

"Kai, Jeliene is not feeling good today. Can you see her and make sure she's alright?"
-barry's text to charly when he saw me weeping at my station...

"I will only allow you to go if you promise me that if they do anything to you there, you will give me a call and I will fly you back. Anytime."
-tariq's answer to me when I told him I'm flying to Malaysia in the next two days...

"Dapat tinawagan mo kami ni becha! Kahit taxi lang, susunduin ka namin!!!"
-mimi, reprimanding me when i told her i was in a taxi on my way home from Malaysia, alone...

"ate, gagamutin ko yun sugat mo!"
-becha, when she first heard the 'real story'

"kumain ka naman ate, ang nipis-nipis mo na!"
-aaron. Ahahaha! I was just laughing when I first heard him say this and I've been smiling whenever I would remember it!!!

Since I'm on a roll with these reveries, let me share a short story... And a little trivia for you too...
Did you know, Ms My and I became friends because of a bible verse? I remember looking at my PC back at Sykes and it was one of those days where you just struggle and felt like you wanted to give up. Then when I logged on to IM, I saw Ms My's name and her handle just blew me away. It was a bible verse! See how God takes good care of me? So He noticed I was a little under the weather at the time and He didn't waste a time to intervene! There you go - an immediate answer simply by just doing a very menial thing of logging on to IM. When I read the verse, I remember feeling warm all over. A calmness just poured unto me. Indeed, God working! I didn't know Myla back then. Sure, I know her by name and I've seen her around because she was a supervisor then and maybe she have heard of me too because I was one of the RAs. But needless to say, that started it all. I sent her a message telling her how inspired I was with the verse... And as they say... the rest is history.

Here's that verse that I haven't forgotten since I read it there almost three years ago:

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
 do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
 I will strengthen you and help you;
 I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
-Isaiah 41:10

Take time to also read the rest of the verse... claim it! Do not fear...

11 "All who rage against you
       will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
       those who oppose you
       will be as nothing and perish.

 12 Though you search for your enemies,
       you will not find them.
       Those who wage war against you
       will be as nothing at all.

 13 For I am the LORD, your God,
       who takes hold of your right hand
       and says to you, Do not fear;
       I will help you.

Don't give up.....

** Received this via e-mail. I'm posting it here because it is just so true! Please read on...

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light.
I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would
not quit." He said.
"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared
to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6
months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots".
"I would not quit on the bamboo.
I will never quit on you."
"Don't compare yourself to others."
He said.
"The bamboo had adifferent Purpose than the fern.
Yet they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come", God said to me.
"You will rise high"
"How high should I rise?"
I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
Never, Never, Never Give up.
For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.
Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is,
tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

Who Am I... Reflection #2, 2008

** Wrote this at the office before I started to workJust saved it then because obviously we can't access multiply there...

It's the 7th day of the year and I've only done two days of quiet time! I am so far behind with my readings and it's just the first week of the year.

Somehow, the promise of a really great year with the Lord starts to dim right before my eyes. I've failed to nurture my relationship with the lover of my soul by missing out on my daily devotions.

It's Monday and I feel so tired and sleepy. Saturday and Sunday passed with me again spending my time away from home (and therefore away from bed). I failed to make use of this time to rest and be still.

The last week has been all work for me. My new boss has so many ideas and he wanted to get these done almost instantaneously. I had my hands full the entire three days of last week. I was so looking forward for a restful weekend but instead, I spent Saturday and Sunday night out with friends.

Yes, it was really fun but now that I'm about to start with work, I am so out of tune and feeling so tired.

Thank God for the daily bread book that Monix gave me... I can somehow make it up to my God and spend a few minutes with him before I embark on another day of no-breaks-allowed work at the office.

So I flipped to the January 7 entry and Psalm 8:4 greeted my eyes...

"what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?"

As I began to reflect, indeed I realized that when you think about it, out of billions of people here on earth... Who Am I that God even thinks about me? That He even decided to wake me up this particular morning, made sure I was safe on my way to work? Who am I that despite of my neglect of our time together, He still chose to bless me today.

The daily bread goes on to describe the song "Who am I" from Casting Crowns. I happen to have that in my iPhone and now as I listen to it, I am assured of God's amazing love for each and everyone of us.

"Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours"

It just doesn't matter how deeply we've fallen, how blindly we've went through life without Him... still He'll catch us wen we fall just because we are His. It's as simple as that. Who are we? We are His.

Father God, I thank you for another day that you've given us. Thank you for reminding me that I am yours and that you are indeed always there. Lord, I am a little weak, spiritually. Please continue to reside in my heart and keep the fire burning in me.

I just praise and thank you for your faithfulness, Father. Please give me the strength and wisdom I need to fulfill my duties at the workplace. May everything I do just bring glory and honor to you. Amen.

shedding the first tears for the year

A video clip was played at the end of the Honest Sex Series message I was working on earlier.

Music has got to be the best communication tool for me. There is just something with the way words and notes blend togethere that really get into me sometimes. And in this particular video, the song that was used is like playing for my soul.

I shed my first tear for the year with this song...

Please do take time to listen, feel, think :

http://jelsiao.multiply.com/music/item/9/Song_1_2008_1_song

Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel You
I need to hear You
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again

You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything

And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
(Ahh Yeahhh)

You calm the storms
And You give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You steal my heart
And You take my breath away
Would You take me in
Would You take me deeper, now

And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this

And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this

Cause you're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything, everything...

When how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this 

A New Slate... Reflection # 1, 2008

I started the day (or the year) quite early. Since it's Tuesday, dawnwatch day, my alarm started to go off at 4:00 in the morning. Of course, I kept on hitting the snooze button until I have fully awaken at 6:30am. Wow. what a way to start the year! Waking up early!

I would love to say that the first thing I did was spend time with God. But I didn't. I think I checked on my laptop first for new messages. Oh well, I'm not perfect. :)

But anyway, I did get on with my quiet time. Using the Daily Bread book I got from Jean, I started to read... And guess what the topic is? Slow Down And Live.

As I began to reflect, it dawned on me that 2007 was indeed a roller-coaster journey for me. I hit the rock bottom this year but ended it at the peak. In the process, I was like a very busy bee that couldn't stand still. I can't remember a weekend when I spent it at home... I was just out doing stuff all the time!

And so I realized, 2008 should be a little quieter for me. As much as I love to travel, I resolve to limit it this year and just spend more time relaxing at home.

So for day 1 of 2008 - I only did 4 things:
    1. Eat
    2. Sleep
    3. Watch japanese drama via the internet
    4. Worked on my transcribing assignment from the church

So my 24 hours was divided doing those four things. I have two invitations today to go out and hang out with friends but in the end, I chose to decline and just relax.

It's already 3:00 in the morning, Jan 2, but my day 1 is just about to end. But before I do, let me share with you something first...

Frankly when the clock hit 12:00 last night, I was a little depress. Yes, that's right. No matter how I rave on how God is faithful and how He has pulled me out of the darkest pit, there are still times when I just succumb to loneliness and last night I got it bad. I did not cry myself to sleep or anything like that. But I just felt a heaviness in my heart. It also didn't help all that my brothers decided to spend the new year's eve elsewhere. Only me and my mom welcomed 2008.

And so I'm thankful that I decided to finish the transcription assignment. I realized Satan is just doing his best to discourage me. And I almost believed it too but I refuse to end the first day of the year with that thought.

Back in December, I told Ate Rona I will try to volunteer in transcribing CCF's sunday messages. Since it was my first time, I was given one of the sessions of Honest Sex Series to do first. I started it but didn't have a chance to finish, with all my cantata practices. It's just today that I finally finished it. The session that I was given is a message from my favorite pastor, Vince Burke, about Homosexuality. I didn't get to attend the actual session and so it's my first time to hear that message as well. It's a very enlightening message and I wish I could just post here the entire 18 pages I just finished. :)

But let me just share with you my greatest take away from that:

There is no sin too strong, there is no sin too tough, there is no sin too bad that cannot be abolished by the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So as the year starts, I am once again renewed, recharged. With the thought of starting a new year, even a new day... the heaviness in my heart started to lift up. I'm thinking, this is gonna be a great year with the Lord! And finishing the transcription couldn't have been more on time.

So I decided to start this year afresh, a new slate, claiming one of God's greatest promises:

‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’

- Jeremiah 29:11