how did i get into singing?

Have I ever told you how I came to be part of the music ministry at CCF?

Let me back track… As a child I grew up with music. All my three elder brothers are into music. They have their own favorite genres. I remember our eldest was into Jazz, the second into oldies and the third into rock. But they all can listen to any type of music you make them hear. I remember we used to have CDs that range from the classical Beethoven collection to the underground alternative music.

Once during one of our occasional family day where we all go out as a family to eat lunch somewhere and shop (or window shop), I remember Kuya Alex (our eldest) nudging me to ask Papa to buy me a cassette tape. (Okay, I was really young at the time, cassette tapes were the rage, not yet CDs nor MP3s.) Guess what record he’s asking? I will not forget, it’s the Wilson Philips album where they recorded the song “Hold On” and “You’re in Love.” I think Papa was surprised that I was asking for such an album but I was the only little girl in the family and he can’t say no to me at the time. *wink* In short, my Kuya got what he wanted.

The thing is when you grow up in a household where the stereo is always blazing with whatever cassette tape was playing, you’d one way or another be in tuned with music too. Even my father is into music. He sings! He has the voice like that of Jose Mari Chan. Or at least that’s what I always thought since he always sings Chan’s songs. He’s very popular during his corporate parties. They always ask him to sing. So his cassette tape collection consisted of minus one.

I used to sing with him too. I mean I sing along whenever he sings. But most of the time, it’s during one of the rides in our car. Remember, I almost always got the passenger seat. J But I was a very shy little girl so I don’t sing in front of other people. Once during one of our new year’s eve celebration slash family reunion in the house of one of my relatives in Quezon City, they asked Papa to sing. Then they called me and asked me to sing along with my dad. And we did, though I did so reluctantly, I did sing a few lines of the song “Sing me a song again Daddy” before I pushed away the microphone and hid behind my mom’s skirt. I remember some of my tito and tita saying I should have finished the duet with Papa but my shyness over took the moment. Then they said I should take a voice lesson…

Oh, I could go on forever with these memories, I should stop myself! J But the gist of my trip down the memory lane is that I grew to love music and singing. One of my brothers plays the guitar very well and I remember sometimes he’d ask me to sing while he play. I just remember one song that he used to play really well and I used to sing really well (ows, really well?)… It’s called “Paglisan.” Who sang that? The band where Cookie Chua sings, I think.

Back when I was still attending the Sunday masses of the Catholic Church, I’d dream of being part of the choir that sings during communion. I used to just stare at them and dream of one day being part of the group, but I didn’t do anything about it.

Then when I joined my first Christian Church at GCM (Gospel Church of Manila) eight years ago, I still had that desire to be part of the choir. And I actually did something about it. J So one Sunday, there was an announcement that all those who wanted to join the choir can audition. And that particular Sunday, it was the last day of audition. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know what I will sing when the ministry head asks me to sing but with firm conviction I told myself I’d give it a try. And so I did… after the 12pm service, I bravely approached the lady in charge of the choir (shame on me, I’d forgotten her name already!) and told her I’d like to audition. She then asked me if I had any previous experience or if I took any classes on voice. I told her no. So she simply smiled and said “ok, let’s start.” She sat in front of the keyboard, looked at me and asked me what song I’d like to sing. I quickly browsed through the limited selection of Christian songs in my mind. Then I just settled on my favorite song at the time. I said, “I offer my life.”

So I sang… hahaha… It was my first time singing solo in front of a keyboardist! If nervousness can kill, I’d be long dead and buried. Hehehe! Of course I did not make it. J The lady told me I hit most of the notes but “most” is not enough. I should be able to hit “all” the notes. But she told me to practice and come back the following Sunday to audition again. To make the long story short, I went back the following Sunday only to attend the Service but auditioning was ejected from my mind.

Then came last year… As what I’ve been telling 2007 was so far the greatest year of my life. This was the year I first joined CCF. The first retreat I joined at was the “One Way Singles Retreat.” This was where I met Jheny Yap. She made my dream come true in joining the music ministry.

During one of our free time in the retreat, I was in the room assigned to Jheny and her room mates. One of her room mates was Jojie Kho. She was the first person I got to know in that retreat. I actually joined that retreat all by myself, without knowing anyone. So during the bus ride, I sat beside Jojie, who was also joining the retreat all by herself. In short, God put us two together since we were both alone and new to CCF. Therefore, it was thru Jojie that I was introduced to Jheny.

So back to that free time in their room, all three of us (me, Jheny and Jojie) were with Jen King and Edith Cajigas. Somehow the conversation turned into singing. I told everyone I was a frustrated singer. Unashamedly, I told them I wanted to join the choir. Then Jheny said she wanted to join too and she asked me why not join together. I got excited and immediately said “yes!” Partly I didn’t believe that it was true but I did want to join anyway and I wasn’t lying anyway when I told her yes so we left the conversation at that thought.

Now, after the retreat, we arrived at CCF just in time for the 3pm service to end. So the prompters were already singing the response song. Then Jheny pointed at someone at the stage and said, “Ate ko yun.” Then she went on to say she’d ask her sister, Ate Grace, on how we can both join the music ministry.

The rest, as they say, is history. So I became part of the Filipino Music Ministry.

Now looking back, I realize that when God put a desire in your heart to serve, he will equip you with the talent or the skill so you can join the ministry where you are most comfortable serving God with. I know I am not an amazing singer. I am mediocre at best. But it has long been my desire to sing for him so every Sunday that I sing for the Lord, I know he is singing through me and is using me for this own purposes. Even if I can’t sing as good during videoke session with friends, even if I get laughed at whenever an old friend would find out that I am now part of the choir, or even if some people tell me point blank that I don’t sing very well, I don’t care. As long as I am not yet kicked out of the music ministry, I know I can sing beautifully for the lover of my soul, because He is the one equipping me each time. And last, I know it doesn’t matter to Him if I don’t sing like an angel because you know what? The most important thing for Him is to know that I am willing to give Him my time. Everything on earth belongs to Him already. All I have to offer is actually just that – my time.

Every note that escapes my lips is a talent borrowed from God. Because of his grace and faithfulness, he allowed me to part of this ministry. And I just give all the glory and praises to him for even allowing me to sing.

“Not to us, O Lord, not to us.
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.”
- Psalm 115:1

On Surrendering...

I recently heard a very nice anecdote shared by one pastor on the illustration of how it is to have blind trust and obedience. Let me recount the story as if it was mine.

I was walking in the woods during the darkness of the night. Unmindful of the danger around me, I was just heading straight to the unknown path before me. I was enjoying the serenity of my surroundings. Though it was dark I was sinking myself into the hushed swaying of the leaves and the mild sounds of nearby animals. Then without warning, I felt my feet slid as it failed to step on the dirt of the grounds because I realized, there was no ground to step on to! Amidst the darkness I did not see that my path was heading straight to a cliff and it was too late to go back. I was on my way down; screaming and falling into the rocks that I somehow knew would greet my whole body as I plunge into the ravine.

But with divine intervention I felt my hands suddenly reach out and I was able to grab on to a protruding tree branch. A sigh of relief escaped from my already white and parched lips. Thank God, I wasn’t broken into pieces yet. My body was still whole though bruised and blue from all that friction between my body and the rock as it slammed together from the fall. With all the strength I could muster, I hang on for dear life to that one tree branch. Praying fervently, “Save me from this pit, my Lord.” It was scary and the silence in the dark woods was now deafening. I was now way far and below from the garden-like surrounding I was threading on a few minutes back. Fatigue took over and sweat-drenched as I am, suddenly I heard a voice in my head saying “Let go, my child.”

 

Though bruised and blue, I still had my wits around me and my reasoning was screaming letting go will just hurt me more. I could fall and hit the rocks and instantaneously say goodbye to the world. So with firm conviction, I told myself that I could do it, I could hang on to this branch and wait until morning. Surely someone will see me then, or so I hope…

Just when I thought I couldn’t hold on anymore, the dawn breaks and the sun light seeps through the clouds to shed light to where I was. I then gathered the remaining courage in my body and with eyes closed; I slowly moved my head downwards so I could see how far it was still from the grounds below. Then gradually I opened your eyes and saw to my astounding amazement, the distance between my hanging feet and the grounds below was just a mere one foot away…

 

My body then somewhat moved on its own and I just felt my blood-drained hands letting go of that tree branch. I fell and my body hit the ground and I realized – If only I let go in the middle of the night, I could have saved my arms from the numbness it now feels after the torture it went through carrying my weight, hanging on for dear life.

If only I trusted and surrendered when I heard the small voice saying, “Let go, my child…”

 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

- Proverbs 3:5-6

 

Sometimes in our stubbornness and confidence in ourselves we chose to hang on to something even if in the process we are actually torturing ourselves. We cry out in anguish to God, begging for his compassionate mercy to help us out of our predicament. But in most cases, we hardly hear that still voice saying to let go. Or even if we did hear it, we still rely on our own reasoning and understanding and we refuse to surrender.  We choose to hold on and rely with our own selves but later on we realize if we had let go the moment He told us to, then we could have saved ourselves from further pain.

 

Blind Trust. Pure Obedience. Sheer Surrender. That’s all it takes to follow God. Easy? Not in the slightest! It is hard, if not, even impossible...

Father God, help me to surrender totally to you...

and i thought I was sober... Reflection #11, 2008

I was debating whether I should blog about this or not since Sunday.

A couple of songs decided it for me.

This afternoon, two songs from the movie "If Only" was playing at our soundsystem at the office. Combine that with what happened last Sunday and viola! Hello emotional wreck.

There are two or three songs that have no doubt will take me to a trip down memory lane.

1. Love Will Show You Everything and Take My Heart Back from the move If Only -
These two songs just take me back to that time when we were watching the movie, which is like the saddest movie i've ever seen. And i just kept on remembering how hard I cried on that movie and how he just consoled me in the movie theater. You know, it has to be one of our sweetest moments at the time... me, bawling like a kid and him with his one arm wrapped around my shoulders and his other hand holding his own hanky, gently wiping away my tears.

2. Chasing Cars from Gray's Anatomy -
I wrote the lyrics of this song on a card and I gave it to him while we were inside the car, parked outside Alabang Festival Mall. Then I took out my iPod and I asked him to listen. (this would be around the time when he really was decided on giving up our relationship and yet I was still stubbornly pushing myself to him.) He took the ipod, put the earphones on and leaned back at the seat and he closed his eyes. It has to be the saddest memory I have of us. I just sat on the passenger seat and watched him with his eyes closed while listening to that song. And in my mind I was thinking of the lyrics of the song while I kept on furiously wiping my tears away as they cloud my vision of him peacefully listening to that song...

So why the sudden trip down this painful memory lane?

I saw him last sunday. So that would be like 7 months since I last saw him. I was entering St Francis Square (on my way to attend the 12pm service at CCF) then while walking, I caught a  glimpse of his sister first, then his dad, then I saw him...

It's still different, you know? After all these months, actually it's been a year now, it's just not easy. When I was sober from his presence all those 7 months, I was perfectly fine. I mean there were still sudden rush of memories, but those I was able to quickly shrug off and move on. But on this particular Sunday, it's just different when you actually see him again.

It's like a movie, you know, when you are surrounded by people in a crowd, you are even bumping to each other but the moment you actually saw him, even just the strands of his hair... that's enough to stop you in your tracks and for a split second, your feet won't coordinate with your mind as it wills to turn around and run. Then absolute silence seems to envelope your entire body as your eyes rests on his face... Then as sudden as it happens, you'd feel your knees and your hands shake... Finally my feet started to act on its own and I just felt myself walking hurriedly away from them as far as I could.

I just realized it's just amazing how your heart responds to that image.

That face of a man who'd broken all your dreams and have almost broken your spirit.

And funny how you'd hear the following verse being shared by the Pastor:

The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
- Jeremiah 17:9

teenage crush

I am just that right now. A grown-up girl with a teenage crush to a tv star, no less! Talk about pathetic!!!

Since Thursday last week, I've been watching the Korean drama coffee prince online. And I just finished this morning. And I just loved every single minute I spent with my eyes glued to the monitor and my legs unknowlingly aching since I hardly moved them once I sat and start watching.

How many asian drama series I've watched so far? Let me count... Meteor Garden (of course, the catalyst that started it all!), Lovers in Paris, Lovers in Prague, A liter of tears... I'm sure there are still others but somehow, these four and the Coffee Prince are the only ones I'm remembering now.

Common to all these series is the light-headed and happy feeling I'd carry with me for a while after I've watched the complete series. But I think this last one will be extra special. Let me tell you why...

As you know already... since I can't seem to stop talking about it, I was in a relationship before that almost made me crazy when it ended last year but thanks to the lover of my soul, I am slowly picking up the pieces and have been living a great life since then. There. Sorry, I had to mention it again! :P

The thing is a lot of things really changed when that happened. There was a time that my eyes can't produce even a single tear even when I was watching Lovers in Prague (there were a lot of tear-jerker scenes there too). Somehow, it is true that something inside you closes up when something special ends. I was a hopeless romantic before who just loves reading romantic novels, watching love stories, listening to love songs... But for a time I stopped and avoided doing those. Why? Because I just can't seem to stop thinking that those happily ever after love stories should have been mine.

But then two things happened last week that again made a change in my life. One, this coffee prince series and two, the movie 27 dresses. I'll try to talk about that movie later.

I just want to share with all of you that watching the korean tv series made me realize that I am finally over my previous relationship. Before whenever I watch these kinds of movies, count on the fact that memories of myself with my ex would just camp in my mind and I would just envision the two of us together doing the things I'm watching on tv (again, pathetic...) then I would go on and cry on the scenes where the words said were almost the same words I heard from him...

But it was really different this time. I hardly thought of him while watching and yes I'm still imagining myself as the leading lady but the leading man is no longer my ex in my mind. It's just who the actor really is, whose character is really to fall in love for...

So like a teenager, I'm in this state right now where I just think everyone deserves to love and to be loved... Past hurts has taken a back seat and I find myself smiling more lately... Pictures of holding hands makes me sigh with hope, not sigh with longing for someone in particlar... Love songs sound different to my ear... Old photos just make me remember the good old days...

It is so great to be alive. To be free from the past. To record new memories. Document new pictures.

It is just so nice to be in love... with love.

of hot, tall, cold, venti, frappe memories...

I'm not a coffee drinker.

I tried the famous mocha frappe... it was good for a while but did not really love it. And once I bought the venti size and when I finished it, my heart was just beating crazily. Too much caffeine for my not-so-used-to-caffeine body.

I so HATED that Banana something frappe they had one summer. It tasted like a pure banana syrup!

I liked the praline mocha... but only on the first few sips... After sip # 10, it'll be too sweet for me. Same goes with the toffee nut. Once Barry bought me a tall praline mocha... I ended up giving it to Flow after the first few sips.

I loved the hot white chocolate mocha... but I used to drink that with someone who's no longer with me so I don't drink it anymore :p

I think I'm loving the cranberry juice... ahahah... kasi like sya nung someone I just adore right now (ahaha.. loser!)

But I'm just loving starbucks right now.

Not for the drinks they sell, nor for the yummy chicken pandesal... not even for the chicken honey mustard salad that mimi and I crave so much.

It's just because I'm loving the people I eat with, drink with at Starbucks. And some of my treasured memories happened at a nearby Starbucks branch...

   Starbucks Rockwell - where we surprised John for his birthday, where Faye, Eloisa and I had to ask a lighter from construction guys to light the candle for John's cake...
   Starbucks Valero - where I had the scariest one hour, hoping and praying that Tantan will be successful in unlocking and opening my iPhone... and he was.
   Starbucks Podium - where my best highschool friends and I meet up after my Saturday night practices from CCF
   Starbucks Megamall - where I recently had pure girl talk with Jheny and Awit
   Starbcuks Insular Life - where mimi and I just sometimes eat, drink and update each other on latest JPMC chasemis :p
   Starbucks Metrowalk - where Jheny and I first spent the time with James, Adrin and Jhun after the first Cantata presentation... and we ended up friends since then...
   Starbucks Tagaytay - where I poured out my heart to mimi, becha and tantan... and we stayed there from 6am until 10am, waiting for Leslie's to open so we could eat Bulalo... only to find out that Leslie's is actually open as early as 7am!

   *sigh*

Oh yes, I do have a favorite drink now... I'm satisfied with a tall hot mint tea... and maybe have it with an oatmeal cookie...
... then my "to-go" will be a happy heart, a smile plastered on my face, moments captured in my camera phone and yet another memory to go back to once in a while...

...like today.
   *another sigh*

lessons from a frailing lady... Reflection #5, 2008

On Wednedsay, I went to see my lola. She looked so frail lying on that hospital bed. Immediately I felt tears welling up in my eyes. For some reason, it just hit me that my lola has become really old and weak...

Then I sat on the chair beside her and held her thin hands. She was asleep when I got there and so she opened her eyes when I took her hands. While fighting back tears, I asked her how she is. With all the strength in her she tried to reassure me and immediately asked for her daughter, my mom... I can hardly understand her. She was having difficulty in speaking because of the stroke and so her words are almost inaudible. But somehow, it was just those first few words that I had a hard time understanding. After the initial shock, I understood her perfectly.


After a few minutes, my phone alerted me for a new message received. It was from my mom asking how is her mother. Incidentally, my mom couldn't visit her at the hospital because she too was suffering from a yet unknown malady that hindered her to move her body. I then told nanie (we call my lola that - "nanie") that I will call mama so she can talk to her. My tears fell then when nanie nodded yes but said she won't talk to my mom since she can't talk much. So I called mama and told her I'm in the hospital and while I'm filling her in on Nanie's status, my lola gestured at me that she now wanted to talk to my mom. And so I held the phone to her ear and I just closed my eyes because I can't stop the hot tears from falling anymore. I just can't bear the sight of my frailing lola, who's having a hard time talking, asking how's my mom and saying things like "mag-ingat ka, di bale ako na lang ang magkasakit, wag ka na..."

After they hung up, she rested and closed her eyes and I just sat there, looking at her.

Then like a flashback, I began to think of the foregone days when I was still a little girl and this same frailing lady who was still strong then would always come to our house to pick me up so I could spend the weekend at her house and I remember going home with a new toy. Always.  I remember being so excited I can't stand still whenever Saturday comes and it's time to again for that sleepover at her house...

Then I remembered that one afternoon in fourth grade. I was one of the participants in school for the United Nations Day. I was posing as Ms Ecuador and we had this presentation at the gym where I even had that short speech prepared and we were doing this song "Tomorrow"... And the gym was full of students watching and excited parents ready to take pictures of their kids... But both of my parents weren't there. Just my lola, very proud of her apo holding and parading that ecuador flag...

Finally I remembered moments from not too long ago. I was now all grown-up and it's been years since I last visited my lola's house. And I remembered all those times that in her aging body, she'd still find the strength to go to our house just so she can see us. And I remembered that I'm always on my way out whenever she'd visit and so I would just give her a quick kiss and rush out of the door to avoid chatting with her. I remember a few Saturday mornings when I would open my eyes and hear her voice, signalling that she's once again visiting, and then I remembered I would again close my eyes and pretend to be asleep so I can once again, avoid chatting with her because you know how grandmas are sometimes, they end up talking about the same stuff...

I was remembering those things while I was in that hospital holding her thin hand and I am just so ashamed of the woman I've become to this frailing lady.

I can't remember when was the last time I told her that I love her before that day.

When I was about to go, I just hugged her really tight. The tightest hug I've given her in so many years. And I told her I love her and that God will surely heal her, we'd just have to pray.

Seeing her just made me realize that time does fly pretty fast and when you are caught up in your own little world, you might end up like me. Forgetting important things like spending time with your lola and telling her how important she is. So I thank God for giving me this great opportunity to tell her that...

But I can't help but still think of all the wasted time that I could have really spent with her. Talk to her, hear her wisdom-filled experiences... Now that she'd had the stroke and can't really talk the way she used too, I wonder when will I hear her cheerful chatter again?

I am not proud of how I've been to her all these years. But lessons learned from a frailing lady...

* No matter how far you've gone in life, there is still that one important person in your life that you might have neglected. But when you suddenly remember them, they would just welcome you back and still look at you with loving eyes.

* It is never too late to tell someone that they matter, especially if that someone is family. They've been waiting to hear those words from you and I'm sure you'll end up saying those words sooner or later anyway.

So why don't you just say it now?

I think I'm okay now... seriously... Reflection #3, 2008

Isn't it cliche when you hear the words good things come when you least expect it?

It was 7:45pm. I was wrapping up with my work for the day. Almost done. Just one module to go with my online training and I'm free to go. I can almost smell the weekend.

When suddenly, a sametime window pops up with a message from Barry:
"jeliene, we have extra tickets to National Treasure. Would you like to come and join us? I am making Charly go too."

Woah! A movie invitation from my most favorite boss ever?

I told Barry I will go since Charly is coming. I even joked and said if Charly's not coming, it'll be nosebleed for me. (Just imagine watching a movie with a family of five americans, come on!) Charly almost didn't want to go but I eventually convinced her. It's not everyday that a VP will just sametime you and ask you to join a free movie!

And so anyway we did watch the movie. Period.

Not!

The thing is... This is the first time that I will enter the cinemas of Greenbelt 3 again after the love of my life left me back in March (woah, it's almost a year!!!)

No, it's not the first time I watched a movie at all since I did watch two other movies after we broke up. And the first one, to be honest, I already forgot the title because I wasn't really watching then. I remember it was a comedy but I was crying. (Freak!) But I had the license to cry at the time, it was the first time in six years that I watched a movie with somebody else. (Yes, the entire time I was with my ex, I did not watch a movie with anybody else.)

The second time I watched a movie, it was the Pirates of the Caribbean. I was with my office mates and though it wasn't the best time of my life, at least I was no longer crying. But I remember feeling still a bit sad.

In those two instances, I was in Glorietta cinema.

Today, it was in Greenbelt 3. (And my ex and I used to watch in Greenbelt 3)

So at 8:30pm, Charly and I were ascending the escalators to the cinemas and I was a mixture of excitement and anticipation. We immediately spotted Barry and his family, with some other friends.  So while waiting for two more friends, we were just talking and I mentioned to Barry that it'll be the first time that I'm watching a movie there again after a long time.

And Barry was like, "Really? Well, welcome back! Just think about it, once you enter you'll realize you can come back there again."

I wasn't actually dreading entering the cinema. But I was watching out for my feelings. Really. I was like thinking "I wonder how will I feel when I see the seats, and the spot where we usually sits..."

But you know what? It wasn't like that at all. When we finally entered the cinema and while looking for our assigned seats, those thoughts vanished from my mind and I was just looking forward to the experience of watching again.

Suddenly, I realized, I'm okay with this. Time does heals wounds. And indeed, smile is sweeter after a good cry. Sun is brighter after a rain.

Thank God for using Barry and Charly to remind me that.

And yes, I thoroughly enjoyed watching the National Treasure 2.

words that warm my heart... a reverie

I'm a little emotional today (woohooo, i wonder when i'm not?!)

Don't you just love how amazing words can be if put together and uttered at the right time? I sooo treasure memories (isn't it evident with the number of pictures I've already posted here??)

Apart from pictures, I cherish words I hear. And today, for some reason, like a flashback, I remembered the following lines I heard, I read, I was told... Awwww... some are bittersweet and made me cry.. Some just made me smile.. The bottom line, these words made my day during those times :)

"Kai, Jeliene is not feeling good today. Can you see her and make sure she's alright?"
-barry's text to charly when he saw me weeping at my station...

"I will only allow you to go if you promise me that if they do anything to you there, you will give me a call and I will fly you back. Anytime."
-tariq's answer to me when I told him I'm flying to Malaysia in the next two days...

"Dapat tinawagan mo kami ni becha! Kahit taxi lang, susunduin ka namin!!!"
-mimi, reprimanding me when i told her i was in a taxi on my way home from Malaysia, alone...

"ate, gagamutin ko yun sugat mo!"
-becha, when she first heard the 'real story'

"kumain ka naman ate, ang nipis-nipis mo na!"
-aaron. Ahahaha! I was just laughing when I first heard him say this and I've been smiling whenever I would remember it!!!

Since I'm on a roll with these reveries, let me share a short story... And a little trivia for you too...
Did you know, Ms My and I became friends because of a bible verse? I remember looking at my PC back at Sykes and it was one of those days where you just struggle and felt like you wanted to give up. Then when I logged on to IM, I saw Ms My's name and her handle just blew me away. It was a bible verse! See how God takes good care of me? So He noticed I was a little under the weather at the time and He didn't waste a time to intervene! There you go - an immediate answer simply by just doing a very menial thing of logging on to IM. When I read the verse, I remember feeling warm all over. A calmness just poured unto me. Indeed, God working! I didn't know Myla back then. Sure, I know her by name and I've seen her around because she was a supervisor then and maybe she have heard of me too because I was one of the RAs. But needless to say, that started it all. I sent her a message telling her how inspired I was with the verse... And as they say... the rest is history.

Here's that verse that I haven't forgotten since I read it there almost three years ago:

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
 do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
 I will strengthen you and help you;
 I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
-Isaiah 41:10

Take time to also read the rest of the verse... claim it! Do not fear...

11 "All who rage against you
       will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
       those who oppose you
       will be as nothing and perish.

 12 Though you search for your enemies,
       you will not find them.
       Those who wage war against you
       will be as nothing at all.

 13 For I am the LORD, your God,
       who takes hold of your right hand
       and says to you, Do not fear;
       I will help you.

overwhelmingly blessed and fulfilled

I am just simply humbled and awed with God's grace and faithfulness! That's just how I will describe how this year has been. I've seen and felt His hand all through out my journey and I just can't stop raving on how overwhelmingly blessed and fulfilled (thanks to Rei for the right words.. hehe) I am!

So just to summarize and share with all of you the blessings I undeservingly received from my Lord and savior:

1. I was able to visit a lot of nice and interesting places! (Malaysia, Singapore, Palawan, Cebu, Calatagan, Caliraya, Alaminos, Mangatarem, Baguio, Tagaytay...)
2. I joined three retreats this year (One Way, Secrets of the Vine and the BIG 3)
3. Found my home at CCF
4. Met my new family in the music ministry
5. Found where I belong ~ Ate rona's dgroup :)
6. Had three great bosses this year! The 2nd was the best ever! (Will miss you a lot, Barry!)
7. Used my passion in singing in serving the Lord
8. Joined Cantata Presentation at CCF. The entire process of preparation including the practices since September is simply amazing!
9. Got new gadgets! :) Laptop and iPhone from my dear father :)
10. Better relationship with my own family

This list just shows the big ones. I have a lot more to share but the list would go on and on!

I just give back all the glory and praise to God for how this year has been.

Just a day to go and we'd all say goodbye to 2007. I almost don't want to let go. This is so far my best year ever! I know that is cliche but it is so true in my case.

Ask me why?

I've been crushed, humiliated, betrayed, broken at the start of the year but I'm ending it revived, renewed, and on fire for the Lord.

Clearly, There is no pit too deep that Jesus can't pull you out of.

For those of you who really know me, you've seen me at my worst early this year. Remember me bawling almost endlessly, at every opportunity?

Have you seen me like that lately? Thank God not anymore!

If God had that effect on me this year, I can't wait for the rest of my life!

So before the year ends, let me thank each one of you who've been a part of my journey. This is surely the best year ever!!

To my bestest friends (you know who you are) I will cherish every single letter you've emailed and texted... every single flash of the camera we've smiled at... every single tear that fell down from our eyes... every single mile we've travelled... every single joke we've laughed at... every single bite we've eaten together... I just couldn't thank God enough for you.

To my friends from the office ~ Thank you for making me laugh during my darkest hours... For all the free foods (ahahah!)... for the pictures... Palawan trip... videoke nights... petiks moments...

To my friends from CCF ~ Especially to Jheny :) and to all my dawnwatch buddies... dgroup... FMM... CCF Choir.. I saw God working in my life through each one of you. Thank you for helping me grow in my walk with the Lord...

To my family ~ Thank you for simply understanding me

To Ms My ~ Thank you for serving as my light

To Scep ~ You are the catalyst why all these great things happened to me. Thanks to you for saving me twice. :)

Everyone else ~ You are greatly appreciated. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

To Jesus, the lover of my soul ~ Thank you for saving all of us by dying on the cross...

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live,

but Christ lives in me.
The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave himself for me."

- Galatians 2:20

7 Things I Learned About People & Relationships in 2007

1. Just because someone tells you that they will love you forever doesn't really mean they will love you forever.

2. Even if you believe you have given everything, it is never enough and you will never please everyone.

3. Never explain yourself to anyone. Because the person who likes you doesn't need it, and the person who dislikes you won't believe it. (Got this quotation from an intenet site, don't know the author but really genius!)

4. When someone breaks your heart, they actually break your spirit too. But even if you are completely broken, you will become whole again, bit by bit, tear by tear, step by step, day by day... and you will learn to smile again.

5. Your true friends are those who are ready to take you back, even after you've practically neglected them for the last six years and when they do take you back, they don't ask for explanations. They will just willingly and wholeheartedly help you pick up the pieces, wipe away your tears (and their own because they are crying with you the whole time) and their bags are all packed and ready anytime you ask them to go some place...

6. Your family is always there for you. Even if you don't talk to them like you do to your friends, they understand what you are going through. Even if you don't tell them the whole story, they will respect your space and most of all, I learned that receiving a text that says "I am sorry to hear about that" can make you cry uncontrollably - all because the text came from the kuya you don't really open up to.

7. Most of all, I learned that no matter how much a person hurt you... Even if they mocked your whole being (your race, your work, your family, your personality and character) you can honestly forgive them and even wish them well... All because of God's grace!