Ooops... I did it again... Prayer # 4, 2009

It's been a while since my hands and my mind were in sync.. since my mind seem to dictate the keystrokes of my fingers... since my fingers hit each letter with emotion coming from my heart... since my heart run wild and overpowered my mind... since my mind really took on its own course again.
It's been a while.
Does that mean my mind stopped thinking? My heart stopped beating? My emotions stopped feeling? My fingers stopped typing?
No... I just learned to keep it at bay... Learned to live with it... Go with the flow...
However, some things happened again in this world I am living on. In the road that I am traversing on, things go on... Issues of the heart still exist... And my imagination still working traitorously against my will.
A year ago I read the famous passage from one of the best authors I've known. Paolo Coelho and his famous Closing Cycle is exactly what my mind is contemplating about these days. Here, read on. It's been blogged and emailed so many times you've probably read it too. But somehow the words relay a different meaning when you are exactly in the same predicament.
How does one close a vicious cycle?

Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.” Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
Now my question is, how do you end a cycle when you are firmly trapped in it? How do you detach yourself from someone when your eyes fall on his presence almost every day? How do you shut out the memories from coming back when your ears hear almost every sound that comes out of his lips? How can you start the healing process when circumstances happen and you just end up being hurt again, sometimes even more than when the first injury actually hit? How can you just let go and move on when the people around you seem to have a good time reminding you of that very thing you needed to let go? How do you keep the faith when everything else around you crumbles down?
I wish the answer is as easy as what I usually say... "Pray!" But I have to be honest, sometimes it takes an enormous amount of patience and discipline to stand still and look unto the Lord. Sometimes the situation I am in weakens me and strengthens my freaking doubtful mind. Today is one of those days.

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still"
- Exodus 14:14

"Teach me how to be still, my Lord.
That is my only prayer today. Amen."

Imagination and Will

I'm still not done with my transcription assignment :( I'm left with 30 more minutes of transferring audio file to a word doc. Suddenly I have so many things to do again. But anyway, I was able to transcribe ten minutes of the audio file today. And I just can't sleep without sharing what I learned.

By the way, my assignment was the GLC Session on Roles in the family. It's a one hour and 40 minutes talk by Pastor Peter on what the bible says are the roles of the family. It is really very enlightening. And the words I transcribed today were addressed to single adults. Yes, like me (and you maybe) :)

So here, I am pasting an excerpt on single's responsibility, in hope that it will open up your hearts, minds, and eyes that way it did mine:

(Pastor Peter talking)

Singles, you have a responsibility towards yourself. The bible says the second greatest commandment is love yourself as you love others, right? So you got to learn to love yourself. It does not mean others all become secondary. What does that mean? Well, I suggest appreciate God’s design for you. God made you special. You are unique. Develop your talent.

If you are single and you are seated beside other singles, turn to them and say “Develop your gifts. You are unique.” Tell your neighbor, “You are unique.” Understand? You are unique. Singles, I praise God for you. In the meantime, while you don’t have children, while you are not married, develop yourself so that God can use you mightily. The blessing of being single is you have time. You have the luxury of what? Extra income, extra time. The moment you become a mother, your time is limited. The moment you become a father, your time is limited.

Now that you are single, learn! Develop all your God-given talents, abilities. Protect your purity. Be careful what you see. Today I feel a great concern for singles. Because now with the internet, with the DVD, with all the videos, you are exposing your eyes to things you are not supposed to see. So it’s very difficult for singles to fight against moral purity, sexual temptation. Because you open yourself to things that you not supposed to see, you are not supposed to experience, but Satan has deceived us. You have exposed yourself.

It’s called the Pandora’s Box. You are not supposed to experience this. Be careful what you see, what you listen to, where you go, whom you are with. Your friends are very important.

Now, I’ve counseled a lot of singles. And I tell them the battle over sexual purity starts with the mind. If the mind is dirty, full of pornographic materials, you are doomed to failure. As Billy Graham said, “Imagination will always overcome the will. The will is no match to imagination.”

You see, what you think and what you imagine is very powerful. Therefore you need to clean your mind. How do you clean your mind when it is already polluted? It’s like a glass of water. How do you clean a glass of water when it is already polluted? You can not empty the water because how do you empty your brain? Give me a lobotomy. You want a brain transplant? You can not. So when the water is dirty in the bottle and you can not throw away the water, what do you do? You put in new water and you let it overflow. Eventually the dirty water will become cleaner and cleaner. But it does not mean hundred percent, all those images will be gone. But you begin to practice now.

So I teach my children. Guard your eyes, guard your ears, guard what you see. And all those old images will sooner or later begin to go away. I have counseled husbands, wives, they used to watch pornographic materials for their sex. So all of those are embedded. So the way to overcome that you now begin to saturate your mind with the word of God. Stop watching garbage. You understand? That’s the only way. Especially for singles. You have no match against visual imagination. Very hard. Guard your purity, please. The best gift you can give to your future husband is your virginity, your purity.

Now, you tell me, Peter it’s too late. I’ve given my purity to some other men in the past. It’s never too late. You know why? Be a spiritual virgin starting today. A spiritual virgin is somebody who makes a commitment, “Lord, from now on, I will guard my purity.” So be a spiritual virgin again.

What struck me about these words, though it is actually about guarding one's purity, was how it says imagination will always overcome will. How true! It applies to all aspect of our lives, not just in guarding our purity. No matter how many times I told myself I'll change, I am always failing whenever I let my active mind wander and think of "what-ifs."

As I have shared previously, my mind is my greatest enemy. And today I learned a valuable and important lesson. Now I understand I have to fill my mind with other thoughts in order to not succumb to my worldly thoughts before they control me.

Now, my prayer is that may I always remember to do just that! Think more like Jesus!

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable
—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me,
or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
-Philippians 4:8-9

 

Giving up the Battlefield... Prayer # 3, 2009

Last Saturday I went to my first music ministry practice for the year. The truth is I was once again tempted not to attend at all. Shame on me for thinking that since Mama is still in the hospital, I have a very valid reason not to attend. I can easily claim that I’m in the hospital looking out for my mom. Family is important anyway. But no, thank God for taking charge of my mind today, I was able to fight off that thought and go to CCF.

 

I love going to prompting practices. It clears my mind off its usual clutter and let me focus on singing for the lover of my soul. I love watching my choir mates joke around, teach each other the right tunes and chat away filling in the events of the week to each other. I love hearing the live band practicing the songs. I love the way the drums seem to beat powerfully to my heart, waking me and preparing me to worship. I love how the sounds of the piano keys create the most astoundingly beautiful music for my Lord. Combine that with strumming of guitar strings and one can just marvel at the beauty of it all. But most of all, I love and look forward to my there-you-go moments, where while singing, I can just clearly see the ineptitude of my decisions.

 

I had one of those moments today.

 

So while I was looking at my song sheet and singing softly with the rest of my co ministry members, I suddenly realized the reason why I had a little hatred in my heart towards that one person I supposedly have surrendered to the Lord. Remember how I seem to have forgiven this person and I was able to really go with my every day activities not minding the little pinches in my heart that still exist? Remember how I claimed to be okay and on the road to full recovery? Remember how suddenly ecstatic and content I was to be joyfully single while waiting on the Lord?

 

Over the holidays, the peace in my mind and the stillness of my heart took the backseat. And I became bitter once again remembering what my recent experiences made me feel. I wallowed in self-pity and self-righteousness thinking I didn’t deserve to be treated the way I was treated and convincing myself that I deserve a little revenge to patch up my severely wounded ego.

Now I realize I was wrong. Yes, I may have a right to feel those things but the fact that I have a Big God hovering my entire being I shouldn’t have nursed that hatred and let it consume me. It was like after I surrendered everything to God, I suddenly had a second thought and asked him to give all my concerns back to me.

 

Why did I ever to that?

 

The reason was shown clearly to me today. There are two things that happened why this sudden change in my attitude transpired.

 

First reason: I was not able to really spend time with my Lord during the long break. Yes, it would have been a perfect opportunity to catch up with my bible reading but what did I do? I replaced my quiet times doing worldly things. (Think internet!) I already knew that if even once I break the connection between me and my savior, I am practically screaming “hey satan, do your thing!” I was open for temptation and being the gullible that I am, I can easily be swayed off.

 

Reason #2: This is all Stephenie Meyer’s fault!!! Okay, sorry I am passing on the blame to someone else. Of course, it was entirely my fault. I saturated myself with Edward, Bella, Jacob and the rest of the Twilight Saga gang. Instead of filling my mind with the wonderful promises of the lover of my soul by reading his words, I filled it in with romantic words by reading the twilight saga series.

 

That is actually the catalyst why I am just that – bitter and revengeful. I realized that reading the love story of Edward and Bella reignited the longing in my heart. Something that God is already working on closing gradually which I ripped open and even making it larger by creating an even bigger wound. While I was marveling at the love between Edward and Bella I was also recreating another story in my head. Yes, you knew about it, you read it in my previous blogs. So I began to see myself in the words that I am reading and since my story wasn’t a happy ending like the characters in the book has been, I started living in an alternate world where my mind was filled with the what-should-have-beens in my own love life.

 

I started to forget the lessons I learned the past months. The takeaways I got from reading Joshua Harris’ books and the words I heard from Francis Kong during the BIG 4 retreat were overshadowed by the intensity of my rekindled longing to be cared of and loved by another person. The answer that God gave me almost two months ago and the promises that accompanied that No for an answer faded into a mere memory. So I began to doubt that my Father in heaven knew of my concerns and is actually working on it already.

 

But thank God for his infinite wisdom and faithfulness He did not leave me in this pit of bitterness and rage. Thank God for my there-you-go moment that I started to see the truth. When the Lord impresses something in your heart, He backs it up thru other means that I may not forget easily. How fitting that the following day, during the Sunday service, I would hear of the verse from Ephesians 6:12 where it says that our struggle is not against flesh and blood… but against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Pastor Peter went on to explain that the evil one uses the people dear to us to draw us away from God, to break that connection we have from our savior. But the thing is, these people are just being used as well.

 

I now realized that through my readings of the twilight saga books there was a reawakening of my worldly longings that happened. And out of frustration, I vent all my bitterness and rage towards this person when I should not. My battle is all internal and shouldn’t have been towards someone else. Though yes, it was true I was hurt and stomped upon by this person but the thing is I allowed myself to be put in that situation. All my rage shouldn’t have been existing now. I realized that when I took back my concerns from God, I was allowing more hurt to be inflicted upon myself. But today I realized I had it all wrong. I was already on the road to recovery before I started reading the twilight saga books. I was already holding on to the amazing truth that my happiness is not dependent on another person but on God alone.

 

When I decided to cut off this person from my life, I have to be honest; I did not really pray about it first. I mean, not sincerely. I did pray that the reason I am doing it is because I want to start a fresh new year. But now I see my motivation was still driven by hatred. I suddenly wanted to be in charge and so I concocted schemes on how to recover on my own. Though the plans I did thought off were somehow still valid and effective, I failed to recognize that I really didn’t have to do anything but just pray about it. No need for drastic measures of cutting someone off your life. Because what did that result of? I offended this person and ruined his own conviction to change and be better for God. I unnecessarily dampen his spirit by letting him know that someone like me is seething mad at him. I know if that was me and someone I know doesn’t want to talk to me again then my spirit will be troubled.

 

So now, I am returning this concern back to God. I will no longer do anything from my end. Whatever comes my way, I trust that the Lord is backing me up and is guiding my actions. Even if people around me will chastise me for being too trusting and allowing my vulnerable side to be open again, I guess I don’t care anymore. If that person who I just chose to forgive will keep hurting me, I will not retaliate. It’s between him and God. As for me, I am just going to stand still, wait and put my full trust in His loving arms.

 

“Do not be afraid or discouraged…

For the battle is not yours, but God’s”

- 2 Chronicles 20:15

 

Heavenly Father, thank you for this day and for opening my eyes. I want to come back to you, stripped of all bitterness and hatred in my heart. From this moment on take the wheel from my hands and lead me where you want me to be. Continue changing my heart that I may remain pure from this moment on. I surrender this person to you. Please guard all my actions towards him. Sometimes his audacity irritates me and makes me react negatively. Please help me humble myself more and just treat him amiably at all times. Help me remind myself that my battle is not against this person. Equip me with your words and promises that I will not be easily swayed whenever the great deceiver will put doubts and other thoughts in my mind. All this I pray in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

 

This prayer, I again got from Stormie Omartian’s book “The Power of a Praying Woman” and I claim the same plea…

 

Lord, help me to never exchange Your truth for a lie. Where I have accepted a lie as truth, reveal that to me. Help me to clearly discern when it is the enemy who is speaking. I don’t want to think futile and foolish thoughts or give place to thoughts that are not glorifying to You (Romans 1:21). I don’t want to walk according to my own thinking (Isaiah 65:2). I want to bring every thought captive and control my mind.

ER experience... Prayer # 2, 2009

I went home this morning at around 3:30 in the morning to find my mom slumped in a chair, head hang low, body covered in jackets and blankets... While I was out meeting friends, little did I know that mama has been vomiting since midnight. She was alone in the house, helpless with zero load credits and therefore can't reach me nor any of my brothers.

The minute I opened the door and saw her like that, I felt my blood drained from my face. Guilt-stricken is probably the best way to describe me then. Thank God panic did not overcome me and my brain started functioning. First thought that came to mind - is this another heart related illness, remembering in mind mama's medical history that includes a week stay in ICU during my birthday four years back... So quickly I asked her what's ailing her and how bad was it. She said she's feeling very week from throwing up and that the back of her neck down to her right shoulder is troubling her. I rushed to my room, put down the things I was carrying when I came in, dumped all the things in my bag on my bed, grabbed my wallet, phone, keys and dumped them in another bag. Then I went on to the other room, grabbed a jacket for mama and opened up her drawers looking for her health card. Then I told her to wait for me while I hail a taxi and then I'd get her and bring her to the hospital.

While rushing down the stairs I started the communication with my savior. Every step of the way I'm talking to God, asking for His guidance because it's the first time that I am personally bringing mama to the emergency room and I didn't have someone accompanying me. I felt God every minute. I was calm and composed, so to speak.

God then showed how He answers prayer requests. First He made sure we got into the safest taxi He can provide, an MGE cab stopped in front of me. So I told the driver to wait for me while I get my mom and that we're heading to Makati Med. God provided an understanding driver, what else can you expect? I took my sweet time guiding mama down the stairs from our second floor apartment unit. At four in the morning, we breezed through the streets of Makati and reached the hospital in no time. Another blessing from God, the driver was not able to start his meter so when I asked him how much, he told me fifty pesos will do (should have been more considering I made him wait).

Then when I opened the taxi door, immediately the security guard from the ER came to us with wheel chair so mama will not have to walk in her pain. And from there she was taken cared of. I saw God working in all these,  the ease of registering her by just handing the health card to the personnel and I didn't have to answer any questions... the doctors and nurses and radiologist who assisted with her X-Ray and ECG... every thing went well without the need for me to worry on anything. After four X-Ray films, three injections, two blood pressure check-up and examination from the doctors, it was time to go home. Thank God my initial thought of this being another stroke was dispelled from my mind. Though when they first checked her blood pressure, she had a whopping 210/130 result but after just two to three hours there, the doctor who checked her BP again was really amazed it went down to 140/90, without her administering something for the high blood pressure. That was just amazing, Lord!

So after I was given the instructions for mama's medication at home, I went to the billing department and settled her bills. Guess what... I just gave them Mama's name and after a few minutes, I was asked to sign the discharge papers and then they returned to me Mama's health card and we were free to go. Yes, I didn't have to give a single cent to the hospital, thanks to the health card. (I really love working with Chase, this is the third time that mama was hospitalized and I never had to pay the hospital!)

When we got home, I can't stop thanking God that it went well. I just need to buy the medicine and mama will be on her way to recovery. Though sadly it was a chronic neck pain that got her this time. That means it will not be completely healed since some of her veins and muscles in the neck were all clogged up and the doctors said there is no cure yet for those veins to open up so she'll just be under pain killers and after three to five days, should start scheduling sessions with a Physical Therapist...

While I was waiting for Mama during her examination at ER, I texted Jheny to inform her that I rushed mama to the hospital and if she can please pray for her health. When I opened my eyes at around 11am (I finally slept at 9am) I received at least ten text messages from my  CCF family. Looks like Jheny texted everyone informing them of my mom's condition. After I read those messages I just bowed my head and said a simple thank you to my God. Brushing the tears from my eyes, I went out of my room and checked on Mama. She said she's much better though the neck pain is still there. Immediately I changed my clothes so I can go to the drugstore and buy the prescribed medicine. While on board the jeep going to the drug store, I'm talking to God again. Lord, let the cash in my wallet be enough to buy all the medicine she needs so I don't have to use my other remaining credit card (since I kind of swore last week that I will not use my credit card for purchases again).

Of course, you guessed it right. With Mama's senior citizen ID and booklet, I had more than enough in my purse to buy every thing she needs.

My loving Father, thank you very much for your guidance today. I felt you in every single moment of this brief experience of being alone while tending for my mom. Thank you that you showed your magnificence in making sure I didn't have to worry since every thing just worked perfectly right in front of my eyes. Thank you Lord for my dear sister Jheny. She made a way for more prayers to be uttered for my mom. Lord, I know the doctors said it's a chronic illness, meaning no complete healing but I know with you nothing is impossible. I pray and claim complete healing for mama's neck pain. After she's done with her medication, may it not bother her again, Lord. I am forever grateful to you, my loving father.
I am just awed by your loving guidance today.
Even if I was at fault for not coming home earlier, you made sure Mama was fine even if she was all alone in her pain... Lord, I learned a valuable lesson today. May I always remember to make sure that before I go out and have fun with friends, mama should be fully equipped to be able to reach out to me or to any of my brothers in times like this. Not that I'm anticipating that it will happen again... She's not getting any younger and lately have been weaker...
May I just be more sensitive to her needs, Lord.
Thank you in all that you do! Amen.

In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
- 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Look back then look ahead... Prayer #1, 2009

It's day 1 of year 2009. Hmmmm... smell the air... feel the room... taste the promise of new blessings to come... keep your eyes close and dream!

So it's the new year, huh? Finally bid 2008 good bye and hopefully all the not-so-good-things flushed down the drain as well.

Yesterday I made a list of the things that were included in the "blessings in 2008" category. And that made me feel good. Kind of made me feel like 2008 was pretty much an okay year too (2007 is still my all-time favorite year) despite that freaking heartache I'm still not completely over with. Can I just wish for that entire episode in my life to be just wiped out from my memory so in the years to come I can look back at this 2008 and actually feel real good about it? (if only shift+delete works... hehehe)

Oh, what the heck... it's the new year! I should repel all these negative thoughts out of my mind and really help myself in starting anew.

Guess what I did before the year ends? I decided to cut someone off my life. If only I can really make that person disappear it would have been perfect. Not that I'm nursing hatred in my heart for this person (okay, so maybe a little...) but I just want to protect myself, knowing how gullible I am I'd better take extra precautionary measures. Call it a defense mechanism if you will. I need to detoxify myself of things, persons and events I want to forget (or at least push back the memory at the farthest recesses of my mind so it won't be as vivid whenever I would remember).

Once I read in a magazine that one way to get over a guy is to "He-tox" (detox, gets?). I did that in 2007 when I had my heart broken the first time and I think it helped a lot. The key is to cut all communication channels so even if you get that sudden "i-miss-him-i-want-to-talk-to-him" attacks, you won't because you don't know how to reach out. The next on my list of plan of action is while pushing back the good memories at the back of your mind, try to bring the bad ones right up front. Yes, make sure you remember that one time he told you he is losing interest in you. Freeze that moment in your mind or if you have it on email, make a screen shot and make it your wallpaper so if your mind plays tricks on you and makes you  think like you miss him, open your your laptop and stare on the screen and be reminded, he ditched you and actually had the nerve to tell you that you no longer interest him.

Don't you just love the internet? It's a very powerful tool. In just a click of the button, you'd find out what he did on Christmas day and that should be added to your growing list of just-stab-me-in-the-heart-will-you moments. Hold that thought! Engrave it in your brain! Remember it well and realize it's time to open up your freaking eyes and see the truth as ugly as it is.  

So what do you do when suddenly your traitorous mind replays that one time you spent together looking towards the horizon eagerly sharing your lives with each other? Or that one time he was so irritatingly sweet and thoughtful and he held you in his arms as if he'd protect you even from the slightest harm? Or what about those text messages that greet your eyes when you open them first thing in the morning? What to do? Simple, savor it for a second and then open your window real wide and... jump! Hehehe... just kidding!

One thing I learned from this entire heart-wrenching experience is the knowledge that there is a being ready to catch me whenever I let myself fall. I do get the comfort I need whenever I talk to the lover of my soul. If only I can be in constant communication every single minute with my savior every thing will be fine. But I falter. I stumble. I get stubborn and let myself succumb to the pain and torment of reliving the past. But after a while, when I couldn't bear it anymore then I start to pray... Prayer is a powerful tool, more powerful than the internet definitely. So I just pray and beg God to change my heart... And change his heart too, of course. Ask God to make him realize that I am a human being too and no matter how unladylike I may appear on the outside, I am soft and fragile inside. My mind is my greatest enemy. It works on its own and puts me in agony sometimes when it does that flashback technique and makes me relive memories.

Oh crap, see how my mind wandered and made me write about that heartache again? This blog should have been more upbeat and optimistic since it's day 1 of 2009!

Oh well, can't help it. Admit it or not, that became a big part of my 2008 and I have no choice but just to bear with it until I've fully recovered. But as I said I am just hopeful of the promise that this new year will bring. If I can just stick to the "he-tox" plan, I am bound to be whole again, all patched up and ready to be broken by the next one that comes along.

Here, let me share my prayer for today, for this year... Taken from the book "The Power of a Praying Woman" from Stormie Omartian:

Lord, I pray that you will set me free from my past. Wherever I have made the past my home I pray that You would deliver me, heal me, and redeem me from it. I choose to make my Home with You. Help me to let go of anything I have held onto of my past that has kept me from moving into all You have for me. Enable me to put off all former ways of thinking and feeling and remembering (Ephesians 4:22-24). Give me the mind of Christ so I will be able to understand when I am being controlled by memories of past events.

I don't want to tie myself to the past by neglecting to forgive any person or event associated with it. Help me to forgive what needs to be forgiven. Specifically, I pray that You would deliver me from the effects of my recent heartache. I release my past to You and everyone associated with it so You can restore what has been lost.Everything that was done to me or I have done which causes me pain, I surrender to You. May it no longer torment me or affect what I do this year. Make me glad according to the days in which I have been afflicted and the years I have seen evil (Psalm 90:15). Thank You that You make all things new and You are making me new in every way (Revelation 21:5).

Help me to keep my eyes looking straight ahead and not look back on the former days and old ways of doing things. I know You want to do something new in my life today. Help me to concentrate on where I am to go now and not where I have been. Release me from the past so I can move out of it and into the future You have for me. Amen.

"Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
- Isaiah 43:18-19