on possibilities

You know why planes can fly?
     uhh, thrust... and resistance... and lift...
It's because someone thought it was impossible.
The stupid thought, of putting people inside of a can and sending them to the heavens.
But the ones who thought it was possible, made it a reality.
So stop saying it's impossible.

-Nakahara Shouta (Episode 8, Attention Please)

on ending a story

We were all indeed here
We lived here...
        I came to love him..
I loved her...
        Receiving so many beginnings...
        ...and a countless number of feelings...
Learning each other's strengths and weaknesses...
        yes.. indeed... we... were here.

- Yano and Takahashi (Final Scene, Bokura Ga Ita)

on chasing

Hey, Nana...
Is this really all right?
        Is what alright?
If you leave it like this, you two will really break up.
       Then what am I supposed to do?
       Even if I talk to him now, we'll only go further in the wrong direction...
Maybe, but because you're having such a hard time, you need to take that step.
Nana, you spend too much time on these things.
I've thought this for a while, but even though Yano's chasing you now...
...do you really think he will chase you forever?
If you disconnect from Yano's feelings now, it will be too late.

- Mizu-chan (Episode 23, Bokura Ga Ita)

on intrusion

He likes you... and you like him... and it's perfect.
I'm just an intrusion.
I've given up on you many times.
Because I thought that would be best for you.
But... you're crying.
You're crying right now.
Mutual love?
Loving someone else's lover?
Friendship?

All of that...
...can go to hell!

You like him.. and he likes you... and it's perfect.
But... I can promise you one thing.
I'll never...make you cry, Takahashi.

-Takeuchi-kun (Episode 21, Bokura Ga Ita)

on forgetting

Hey. Do you know how to forget about an old love?
You find a new love. You should completely immerse yourself in it.
If that new love is true, then the old love will naturally become part of the past.

It's not that you can fall in love with someone new because you forgot the old..
It's because you fall in love with someone new that you're able to forget about the old.

Only love can heal a heart that was hurt by love.

-Takeuchi no oneechan (Episode 14, Bokura ga ita)

on love... #2

After all... Love is all about timing.
If you don't say the right thing at the right moment...
No matter how much fate was involved in the relationship, everything will be ruined.
Even if you regret it, it'll be too late.
Even if you regret it...

-Takeuchi-kun (Episode 13, Bokura Ga Ita)

on memories

I don't really like the word "memory."
Why not?
No reason. In my japanese class in elementary school, I read a story.
What story?
A story called "What color was this girl's dress?" Heard of it?
Nope.

Two girls, named A and B are recalling an old story together. They get into this discussion     about a picture hanging on the wall of one of the staircase landings in their elementary school. A picture of a girl picking flowers in front of a deep red sunset...

You really never read this?
Nope.

A says, "Oh! How nostalgic. You're talking about the picture of the girl in a pretty yellow         dress, right?"
But then B says, "No, the dress she was wearing was red, just like the sunset!"
"No, it was red!"
"No, it was definitely yellow."
"All right, then why don't we go see for ourselves?"
The two of them, filled with excitement, reached the old, nostalgic school building.

What color was that girl's dress?
What color was it?
It didn't have a color.
It was just a black and white picture.

The dress that dark silhouette wore was scribbled completely black.


Yet in their memories, both bickering girls were sure that the dress in the picture had a color.

See? Human memories are too vague.Thinking something has color when it doesn't, making things more dramatic than they really are, glorifying things... It gives new, greater meaning than what was actually there.  That's why I don't believe any of this talk about beautiful memories.

What do you believe in then?
You. Absolutely you. What's right in front of me now.

-Yano and Takahashi (scene from from the anime I'm currently watching, "Bokura ga ita")

ganbatte ikimasshoi!

I just finished watching the japanese drama Ganbatte Ikimasshoi (means do your best). It was a story about a highschool girl who was so passionate in rowing that even if her school only supports rowing for guys, she single-handedly sought girls like her who might like rowing and proved to the coach that they can revive the rowing club for girls.

The story went on with the five girls doing their best and even winning on competition. On their senior year in highschool, they were able to get in the finals for the most prestigous inter-school rowing competition. However, Etsune, the captain of the club, hurt her waist just before that was scheduled and she ended up not being able to row at all.

Rowing being the only thing that motivates her high school life at the time, she succcumb to depression upon learning that she will not be able to participate in that competition. She quit the rowing club and avoided her friends.

Then one of her friends talked to her and said the following things:

"To me, rather than counting the number of things you can do, I'd rather find something I can actually do."

"If you don't know when to put your paddle down, the next match can't even start."

Those lines just made me realize that giving up on something does not necessarily mean you are quitting. You might have no other choice but to quit due to reasons like health problems. But that shouldn't mean that quitting that way means putting an end to your dreams. Instead of sulking and thinking that you should have been a great rower, or whatever it is you wanted to do... You can just use your efforts looking for something else that would replace that passion you have for that thing you lost. Instead of holding on to things that we can no longer do or enjoy, sometimes it's really time to "put your paddle down" or just let it go so the next good thing will start happening...

It was such an inspiring story of how to gracefully give up something you really love.

In the end, Etsune gladly accepted the fact that she really can't row because her body can't take the hard training anymore. But she still remained in the club to assist in other ways. The drama went on to show that even if their club actually lost that prestigous competition, it was actually the best row they've had because they had a sixth crew member: Etsune was just running along the shore of the lake with the girls rowing and kept on cheering and encouraging them, shouting "Ganbatte Ikimasshoi" the entire time.

Indeed, whatever the circumstances, wherever you are placed... just always do your best.

Ganbatte Ikimasshoi!

and i thought I was sober... Reflection #11, 2008

I was debating whether I should blog about this or not since Sunday.

A couple of songs decided it for me.

This afternoon, two songs from the movie "If Only" was playing at our soundsystem at the office. Combine that with what happened last Sunday and viola! Hello emotional wreck.

There are two or three songs that have no doubt will take me to a trip down memory lane.

1. Love Will Show You Everything and Take My Heart Back from the move If Only -
These two songs just take me back to that time when we were watching the movie, which is like the saddest movie i've ever seen. And i just kept on remembering how hard I cried on that movie and how he just consoled me in the movie theater. You know, it has to be one of our sweetest moments at the time... me, bawling like a kid and him with his one arm wrapped around my shoulders and his other hand holding his own hanky, gently wiping away my tears.

2. Chasing Cars from Gray's Anatomy -
I wrote the lyrics of this song on a card and I gave it to him while we were inside the car, parked outside Alabang Festival Mall. Then I took out my iPod and I asked him to listen. (this would be around the time when he really was decided on giving up our relationship and yet I was still stubbornly pushing myself to him.) He took the ipod, put the earphones on and leaned back at the seat and he closed his eyes. It has to be the saddest memory I have of us. I just sat on the passenger seat and watched him with his eyes closed while listening to that song. And in my mind I was thinking of the lyrics of the song while I kept on furiously wiping my tears away as they cloud my vision of him peacefully listening to that song...

So why the sudden trip down this painful memory lane?

I saw him last sunday. So that would be like 7 months since I last saw him. I was entering St Francis Square (on my way to attend the 12pm service at CCF) then while walking, I caught a  glimpse of his sister first, then his dad, then I saw him...

It's still different, you know? After all these months, actually it's been a year now, it's just not easy. When I was sober from his presence all those 7 months, I was perfectly fine. I mean there were still sudden rush of memories, but those I was able to quickly shrug off and move on. But on this particular Sunday, it's just different when you actually see him again.

It's like a movie, you know, when you are surrounded by people in a crowd, you are even bumping to each other but the moment you actually saw him, even just the strands of his hair... that's enough to stop you in your tracks and for a split second, your feet won't coordinate with your mind as it wills to turn around and run. Then absolute silence seems to envelope your entire body as your eyes rests on his face... Then as sudden as it happens, you'd feel your knees and your hands shake... Finally my feet started to act on its own and I just felt myself walking hurriedly away from them as far as I could.

I just realized it's just amazing how your heart responds to that image.

That face of a man who'd broken all your dreams and have almost broken your spirit.

And funny how you'd hear the following verse being shared by the Pastor:

The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
- Jeremiah 17:9