overwhelmingly blessed and fulfilled

I am just simply humbled and awed with God's grace and faithfulness! That's just how I will describe how this year has been. I've seen and felt His hand all through out my journey and I just can't stop raving on how overwhelmingly blessed and fulfilled (thanks to Rei for the right words.. hehe) I am!

So just to summarize and share with all of you the blessings I undeservingly received from my Lord and savior:

1. I was able to visit a lot of nice and interesting places! (Malaysia, Singapore, Palawan, Cebu, Calatagan, Caliraya, Alaminos, Mangatarem, Baguio, Tagaytay...)
2. I joined three retreats this year (One Way, Secrets of the Vine and the BIG 3)
3. Found my home at CCF
4. Met my new family in the music ministry
5. Found where I belong ~ Ate rona's dgroup :)
6. Had three great bosses this year! The 2nd was the best ever! (Will miss you a lot, Barry!)
7. Used my passion in singing in serving the Lord
8. Joined Cantata Presentation at CCF. The entire process of preparation including the practices since September is simply amazing!
9. Got new gadgets! :) Laptop and iPhone from my dear father :)
10. Better relationship with my own family

This list just shows the big ones. I have a lot more to share but the list would go on and on!

I just give back all the glory and praise to God for how this year has been.

Just a day to go and we'd all say goodbye to 2007. I almost don't want to let go. This is so far my best year ever! I know that is cliche but it is so true in my case.

Ask me why?

I've been crushed, humiliated, betrayed, broken at the start of the year but I'm ending it revived, renewed, and on fire for the Lord.

Clearly, There is no pit too deep that Jesus can't pull you out of.

For those of you who really know me, you've seen me at my worst early this year. Remember me bawling almost endlessly, at every opportunity?

Have you seen me like that lately? Thank God not anymore!

If God had that effect on me this year, I can't wait for the rest of my life!

So before the year ends, let me thank each one of you who've been a part of my journey. This is surely the best year ever!!

To my bestest friends (you know who you are) I will cherish every single letter you've emailed and texted... every single flash of the camera we've smiled at... every single tear that fell down from our eyes... every single mile we've travelled... every single joke we've laughed at... every single bite we've eaten together... I just couldn't thank God enough for you.

To my friends from the office ~ Thank you for making me laugh during my darkest hours... For all the free foods (ahahah!)... for the pictures... Palawan trip... videoke nights... petiks moments...

To my friends from CCF ~ Especially to Jheny :) and to all my dawnwatch buddies... dgroup... FMM... CCF Choir.. I saw God working in my life through each one of you. Thank you for helping me grow in my walk with the Lord...

To my family ~ Thank you for simply understanding me

To Ms My ~ Thank you for serving as my light

To Scep ~ You are the catalyst why all these great things happened to me. Thanks to you for saving me twice. :)

Everyone else ~ You are greatly appreciated. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

To Jesus, the lover of my soul ~ Thank you for saving all of us by dying on the cross...

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live,

but Christ lives in me.
The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave himself for me."

- Galatians 2:20

sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

I first heard this song at one of the fellowships I attended at Station One, UCM Church in Makati. It so touched my heart. And I can still remember while the worship leader was singing these words, my tears just kept flowing. I was not mindful anymore of the people around me. It's like the moment froze and I'm just alone with my savior... When that time really comes, I'd like to see myself singing this song for Him.

I've been looking for a copy of this song and it was just yesterday that I was able to download from limewire :)

Che asked me if I'm in love...

Yes, so deeply in love with the lover of my soul. This song is for Him alone.

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

Chorus:

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

Broken for You...I'm broken for You, my Lord.

Jesus...All that's left, ooooo I am sweetly broken.

7 Things I Learned About People & Relationships in 2007

1. Just because someone tells you that they will love you forever doesn't really mean they will love you forever.

2. Even if you believe you have given everything, it is never enough and you will never please everyone.

3. Never explain yourself to anyone. Because the person who likes you doesn't need it, and the person who dislikes you won't believe it. (Got this quotation from an intenet site, don't know the author but really genius!)

4. When someone breaks your heart, they actually break your spirit too. But even if you are completely broken, you will become whole again, bit by bit, tear by tear, step by step, day by day... and you will learn to smile again.

5. Your true friends are those who are ready to take you back, even after you've practically neglected them for the last six years and when they do take you back, they don't ask for explanations. They will just willingly and wholeheartedly help you pick up the pieces, wipe away your tears (and their own because they are crying with you the whole time) and their bags are all packed and ready anytime you ask them to go some place...

6. Your family is always there for you. Even if you don't talk to them like you do to your friends, they understand what you are going through. Even if you don't tell them the whole story, they will respect your space and most of all, I learned that receiving a text that says "I am sorry to hear about that" can make you cry uncontrollably - all because the text came from the kuya you don't really open up to.

7. Most of all, I learned that no matter how much a person hurt you... Even if they mocked your whole being (your race, your work, your family, your personality and character) you can honestly forgive them and even wish them well... All because of God's grace!

When Reality Kicks In

I wrote an email to my closest friends last July 31, 2007. Not long after I hit the send button, my cell started to ring. It was Ate Grace, one of the friends I made at GCM. She's in Malaysia but she took the time to call, which I did not answer, so rude of me. I just didn't feel like talking after letting this heavy emotion out of my system. But she replied to my email saying she felt the sadness I was feeling with my words...

So I'm sharing it with all of you now...

Hi dear friends,

I just want to share something with all of you today.

I came to the bank to do some transactions and to my dismay I had to wait 45 minutes in line before a teller can assist me. As I was patiently waiting, standing, looking around while listening to my ipod, a realization struck me. And for the first time in so many months, I had to shed a tear for him. 

At the oddest place! Why in a bank? 

So, there I was standing and suddenly a tear came rolling down my cheek. Thank God I was able to stop it and was able to limit it to a single tear - but the irony is, the emotional floodgate suddenly opened and I realized... So much for the bravado of claiming that I am over him. Guess I'm not.

I just remembered, out of nowhere, the conversation we had that one fateful afternoon, while sipping tea at the coffee shop... Suddenly a flash like a movie scene came to my mind...

    "So, sino kasama mo nanood ng Transformer?"  She asked.
    He replied, "Yung teller dun sa bank. I asked her out."

As that moment flashed right before my eyes, it just suddenly hit me... The cruelty of it all. The depth of the wound that I tried so much to heal. The awakening of the sleeping hatred in my heart.

It just hit me - So he is willing to replace me for a teller??? Forgive my arrogance, I have nothing against tellers and I don't mean to degrade them. But I just remembered how his mom mocked my measly salary of xx,000 a month. I just remembered that conversation inside the car...

    His mom asked, "So, how much are you making in a month?"
    I said, "Mga xxK po."
    "Net na ba yan," she asked rather sarcastically.
    I mumbled, "opo."

I just can't believe he'd even consider replacing me for a teller, who's average salary doesn't even reach half of what I'm making... How on earth can he defend that to his mom??? And if he is willing to defend that girl from his mom, why didn't he even waste as much effort defending me?

With these thoughts running in my mind, I bravely tried to put that behind my mind. I'm in a bank, after all. I can't breakdown in front of all these people. So I patiently waited for my turn, did what I had to do and walked out of that bank to the office.

When I sat in front of my computer and signed on to all the system I'll be using for the day, I saw my friend's name. So, she was online and so I sent her a message, and she hurried to my station. And before I could stop myself, I told her what happened at the bank, the things that went through my head and yes... The tears finally fell one by one, I couldn't stop it anymore and I didn't care if agents surround me. I just had to let this emotion pass, hoping that I could accept (finally and truthfully) that things are now different and it shouldn't bother me anymore whatever decision he has in his future. I'm just not in it anymore.

So there goes my story for the day. A little sad. But don't worry, I'm okay now. Just say a little prayer for me. May I know what God wants to teach me with this incident.

"I know, O Lord, that your laws are righteous, and in your faithfulness you have afflicted me." Psalm 119:75